


The Dust Of Retreat

by EducationalAdmiral



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Arguing, Blood, Buried Alive, Crying, Gen, Graphic Descriptions of Showering, Kidnapping, Major Character Injury, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Survivor Guilt, Tag Update 3/17/17, Tag Update 4/14/18, Therapy, and, now with, police investigations, technically a Bones crossover but only Sweets and the Gravedigger matter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2018-07-16 21:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7285885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EducationalAdmiral/pseuds/EducationalAdmiral
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tamaki nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone started to ring in his pocket, but he regained his senses and he quickly reached for it. He hoped it would be Kaoru, finally returning his calls. That this was all just a dumb prank that he and Hikaru set up. But he was greeted by a rough, distorted voice with an awful message.</p><p>"Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin have been buried alive."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Paper Kitten Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> This story is very, very heavily inspired by the Alien In A Spaceship (s2e9) episode of Bones, as well as other episodes in the Gravedigger plot line. While you do not need to see that episode to understand what will happen throughout this story, I suggest watching the episode because it's really good. 
> 
> Each chapter is titled based of the name of a song from the Margot and the Nuclear So and So's album, "The Dust of Retreat." The song goes with the feel of the chapter. So, if you wanna, check it out in the link at the beginning of the chapter. Thanks for reading!

[Paper Kitten Nightmare](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Al1ddkNQe8&index=8&list=PL-bOhZXDkJHkOlEODJu4Ohq5xv1ayTBDG)

He could feel it. He could feel that something was going to change, and it was going to happen soon. The carriage that they'd all been riding in was going to turn back into the stupid, rotten pumpkin that it started as, and he knew it. But he did not know why, and he did not know how. And that scared him more than anything else.

 

///

 

It was when Tamaki groaned that Kaoru could feel the magic disappearing. Kaoru turned his head to his boss, then followed his gaze across the room. Haruhi and Hikaru were standing there, smiling and talking to each other quietly. There were very few guests at the moment, and most of them are with Kyoya, who was selling something. Kaoru did not dare ask what it was this time. 

 

Kaoru looked back to Tamaki. His eyes were squinted and his lips were twisted into a frown. 

 

"This was never supposed to happen," Tamaki mumbled. "That should be me."

 

"You alright, boss?" Kaoru asked, and Tamaki's eyes shifted. He scoffed.

 

"She deserves better than your brother," Tamaki hissed in a quiet voice that Kaoru was certain he was not supposed to hear. 

 

"You shouldn't talk about him that way. It's not like they're dating. Not yet, anyway. They haven't taken that step yet."

 

"You say that like I'll allow them to. No, that'd ruin everything for the host club. Plus, everyone would find out Haruhi is a girl." 

 

"I don't think Haruhi cares if people find out, honestly."

 

"Well I do! Unlike you and your brother, I care about keeping this host club together!"

 

"Woah- hey! We care about the club!"

 

"You certainly don't seem like it, not with all the tricks you pull. You almost tore the club apart when you faked that fight!"

 

"You knew what you were getting into when you recruited us back in middle school. Don't act like you didn't practically beg for us to join." 

 

"Maybe I made a mistake," Tamaki spat. The room was suddenly so silent that you could hear the penny that slipped between Kyoya's fingers hit the ground. Kaoru ground his teeth together.

 

"Maybe we made the wrong choice when we joined."

 

Someone across the room whispers, "Kaoru?" But then went silent. Everyone was fairly certain it was Hikaru.

 

"I won your game square and fair."

 

"You cheated on that game, and everyone knows it. You still can't tell me and Hikaru apart. The only person who can is Haruhi! Hell, she'd make a better leader of this host club than you do."

 

"You take that back!" 

 

"It's true and you know it."

 

"Don't pretend like I didn't save you and your brother! Without this host club no one in the school would give a crap about you two, other than that you are of the Hitachiin family!"

 

"Yeah, and without this host club you'd be nothing more than a pretty face. Then again, I think that's still all you are."

 

Tamaki's fists clenched at his sides. "I thought you were supposed to be the nice twin."

 

"I thought you said we are both Devils." 

 

"You were the lesser of two evils," Tamaki snapped and Kaoru rolled his eyes. "You two have always been mischievous. I can't even count how many girls hearts you two broke before you became hosts! I can't risk you doing the same to Haruhi."

 

"That's enough," Someone whispered, and Tamaki thought it might have been Kyoya. He heard Haruhi say, "I can protect myself fine, Senpai." But his brain could only focus on one person's words, and that Kaoru.

 

"At least she responds well to Hikaru's flirting. She doesn't respond to you at all. Don't act like my brother doesn't deserve her, because that's not your decision, you ass! You're just jealous!"

 

His words hung in the silence of the room and the weighed down on everyone's shoulders. Unlike normal, Kaoru did not have a smirk painted on his lips. His teeth were clamped together and his eyebrows were knitted together. Tamaki rose his hand into the air and struck Kaoru.

 

He came crashing down to the ground loudly, and with a harsh gasp. He looked up to Tamaki, whose entire body was quivering. No one around them moved. They all just stared at them in silence. Kaoru pushed himself up and darted out of the room as quickly as it could.

 

"K-Kaoru!" Hikaru shouted, and he ran after his brother. 

 

Tamaki wobbled on his feet and crumbled to the floor. All eyes were either glued to him, or the door. 

 

"Ladies," Kyoya spoke, finally breaking the silence. "I apologize for this, but if you wouldn't mind to would excuse yourselves, we'd appreciate it. I believe we have things we need to discus. Alone."

 

The hosts clubs guests slowly made their ways out the doors, and Kyoya waved at them as they left. Once they were all gone, he slammed the door.

 

"What the hell was that?!" His voice came out sharp. Then he took a deep breath, and calmed himself. "If this was some plan you had that you did not tell me about, you better get explaining now."

 

Tamaki did not say a word, he just stared down at the ground, his body shaking. 

 

Honey was clinging to Mori's side, but Haruhi was thankful that, at least, he wasn't crying. Or maybe that'd be easier, then it wouldn't be so damn quiet. 

 

Tamaki slowly pushed himself up and stood. His arms hung loosely at his sides and Haruhi slowly walked over. 

 

"I," Tamaki breathed. "I'm sorry." 

 

"It's not me you need to apologize to."

 

The room was silent again, aside from the noise of Kyoya's pencil scratching against the papers in his little black notebook. Mori was the one who broke the silence, which surprised everyone.

 

"We should go find them."

 

Everyone nodded. The school hallways were empty, the guests had already disappeared out of the building. The host clubs voices filled the building, shouting the Hitachiin twins names. There was never a reply.

 

Kyoya tried their phones with no success. It was a little out of character for the two, but they were both upset. He wouldn't put it past the twins for them to ignore him. 

 

Honey was growing increasingly worried and it was painfully obvious to everyone. He has his hand wrapped around Mori's in a death grip. They both knew that, while the hosts did argue, it was not normally like this. There was something different about it, though none of them quite knew what. 

 

They all stood in front of the school, right outside the front doors. They had yet to find the twins, even though they had cleared all of the school they could think of. 

 

"Perhaps they had a car sent out to pick them up," Kyoya suggested. "They'd be waiting in the car lot."

 

Tamaki nodded his head lightly and started walking in the direction of the car lot. His fingers were intertwined in front of his chest, and his thumbs were rubbing against each other. His purple eyes were downcast, and his lips twisted into a frown. Haruhi moved closer to him and placed a hand on his arm.

 

"It's ok, Senpai," She told him. "Kaoru won't be mad at you. I've slapped him before, Hikaru too. They don't stay mad at me for long. They won't stay mad at you."

 

"I wouldn't be so sure. The times you've hit them, you had to. I think I went to far," He sighed. Haruhi did not know how to reply. They were quiet until they arrived at the car lot.

 

When they got there, they began to call the twins names again. Still, there was only the echo of their own voices as reply. 

 

"We should split up," Haruhi decided. "We can cover more ground that way." Tamaki looked to Kyoya, who nodded.

 

They split up in their natural groups. Mori and Honey took off one way, Haruhi and Tamaki opposite of them, and Kyoya on his own. 

 

Honey's scream is what brought them all running to join each other. It was not a scream of rejoice in finding the twins, but one of pure horror. Haruhi practically tripped over her own feet with how fast she had to run to keep up with Tamaki. 

 

"Honey," Tamaki cried out. "Honey, what's wrong?"

 

When Haruhi finally caught up to them, she practically toppled over. She had her hands on her knees and she was panting. She could hardly hear Honey whipper over her own labored breathing. 

 

"W-what's wrong?" She stuttered. "Are the twins alright?"

 

No one replied to her. Once she caught her breath, she stood at her full height and looked to the hosts faces. All of them had their jaws clenched tightly and their eyes were wide, and glued to the ground. She glanced down and she couldn't stop her sound of distress when she saw it.

 

A streak of bright red against the grey concrete.


	2. Dress Me Like a Clown

[Dress Me Like A Clown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=De9p0mM0Vu4&index=6&list=PL-bOhZXDkJHkZ7VgvPP2XKiTMfZ12dIs_)

He came hurtling into the car lot and almost collapsed in exhaustion. His legs were burning, and so were his lungs. The building was empty, aside from a few cars that were scattered here and there. It was filled with the stench of diesel fuel. 

 

If he weren't so mad about Tamaki, he'd walk back into the school building to escape the smell. But he couldn't forgive the boss. Not yet, at least. He wondered if his brother was here. Somewhere along they way they had lost track of each other.

 

"Hey- are you in here?" He shouted. He heard something move, but his overworked brain couldn't tell what. "Hello?" He called out again, stepping further into the parking lot. Again, there was a noise. Something like a groan. 

 

Across the lot, he saw someone who looked exactly like him crumpled on the ground. It had to be his brother, unconscious against the cold stained cement. 

 

"Hey," His voice came again, cracking mid word. A bright light coming from the side caught his attention. He turned his head just in time to see the car before it slammed into him and sent him flying across the lot.

 

Pain was the last thing he felt before he lost his consciousness, just like his brother.

 

///

 

"Oh- god. Is that... Is that blood?" Her voice escaped her lips before she could stop it. She felt like she was going to be sick. Honey whimpered quietly and rubbed his head against Mori's side.

 

Kyoya squatted down and looked at the stain. "Yes," He mumbled. "I believe so."

 

"Oh," Haruhi whispered. "Oh, God." Her heart froze in chest and a lump formed in her throat. 

 

"Let's, uh, let's try not to jump to any assumptions," Tamaki said. His voice shook, despite how hard he was trying to stay calm. "The twins love to play pranks. I think it's safe to say that this is a prank."

 

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement, though Kyoya seemed the only one who was actually calmed by the idea. Even Mori, who was normally as expressive as a statue, looked concerned. Honey's eyes were wet and glassy, and he was doing everything he could not to cry. 

 

Tamaki pulled out his phone and dialed Kaoru's number.

 

"Kaoru," He began nervously. "I'm sorry I hit you. Where are you and Hikaru? We need to talk." He ended the call at that, not being able to come up with anything else to say.

 

"Let's go back to the music room," He said.

 

Haruhi trailed toward the end of the group as they all wordlessly walked back to the school building. She observed the club members, all of whom were tense. She could understand why, her own shoulders felt tight and her neck was hurting. She was worried about the twins. She had been told that they used to be closed off, and that they locked everyone out. As much as shed joke about them all being annoying, she cared for all the hosts. She hoped they wouldn't let something this small push them away. 

 

Before she knew it, they were back at the music room. Tamaki had partially thrown open the door, like he expected the twins to be inside, laughing and grinning. But they weren't. The room was empty, and it felt cold, despite the school's heating system being perfectly functional. 

 

Tamaki fumbled with his phone and called Kaoru again, leaving practically the same message as before. His voice was different this time, though. It wobbled with worry, and cracked mid sentence. Haruhi had never seen any of them like this before. She figured Kyoya could tell her the most about why everyone was being so strange.

 

When she walked over to him he had his little black notebook out, a pen poised over it, but not writing a thing. His eyes were closed in thought, and he was taking long, deep breaths.

 

"Kyoya senpai?" She asked quietly as not to frighten him. He still jumped a little anyway.

 

"Yes, Haruhi?" He shut his book and tucked it under his arm, giving her his full attention. 

 

She hesitated for a moment, not quite sure of what she wanted to say. "Do you think the twins are alright?"

 

"I'm not sure, to be honest." Kyoya shook his head lightly, and all of her fears were confirmed. "They don't often pull pranks on the club without warning me, but it wouldn't be the first time. They aren't answering anybody's calls. That's typical of Hikaru, but not Kaoru. At this moment, I don't think I can say whether or not this is a prank."

 

He paused for a moment and looked over her face. He could tell by the look on her face that that was not her only question.

 

"I don't blame you for the argument, by the way," He explained. "Just because Kaoru and Tamaki were arguing about you doesn't make their argument your fault. The twins and Tamaki used to argue a lot, and they still do. Just less now. However, it's the first time there been such a physical end to one." Kyoya sighed. "I'm sure you know, all the hosts tend to be a little melodramatic."

 

"Yeah, tell me about it," She scoffed. 

 

Across the room she could heard Tamaki leaving increasingly desperate voicemails to Kaoru's phone. "Please, Kaoru. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hit you. I didn't mean to. I just, I got mad, and it was stupid. Please, come back to the music room." 

 

Haruhi knew more than anyone how differentiate when the hosts were and when they weren't performing. When they weren't staying cool and calm and all around perfect. They all had flaws, and all of them could crack under pressure, no matter how much they would deny it. 

 

They all wound up asking their drivers to wait a little while longer before picking them up from the school. They sat in that music room for what felt like hours, and actually was. If Haruhi weren't being infected by the hosts worry, she would've left the building and gone home to prepare a meal for her dinner. But, instead, she stayed in the silent panic in music room three. 

 

Tamaki nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone started to ring in his pocket, but he regained his senses and quickly reached for it. He hoped it would be Kaoru, finally returning his calls. That this was all just some dumb prank that he and Hikaru set up. But he was greeted by a rough, distorted voice with an awful message.

 

"Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin have been buried alive."

 

His phone fell from his hands and crashed against the floor.

 

///

 

He gasped when he finally woke up. His body was stiff, and he was sitting in some type of seat. It was dark, except for the light green glow of radio. It was singing a distorted pop song that he and his brother both despised for being overplayed. 

 

"How did I get here?" He asked aloud. "Where the hell am I?" 

 

His eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, and he was soon able to see the steering wheel in front of him. "A car.." He mumbled. 

 

There was a sharp, stabbing pain in his neck and he ran his hand over it to see if there was blood. To his relief, there wasn't any. However, there were two little circles of rough, burnt skin. 

 

"Hmm," He mumbled. He turned his head to the side and saw the car window. There was no light shining through the it. He pressed his index finger down on a button and the window started to slowly move down. Suddenly, dirt poured out of the gap of the window. 

 

He started to cough and he shoved one of his hands in the gap, using the other to try to roll the window back up. He sneezed and waved dust out of his face, his eyes stinging. 

 

He heard a noise behind him and he glanced to the backseat. It was too dark for him to see anything. He turned back to the front and looked for a switch to turn on the lights in the back of the car.

 

He heard the noise again, this time louder than before. It was obviously a groan. He turned and, with the lights on, he could see the source clearly. His eyes fell on his twin brother, who was in awful shape.

 

His blue jacket was stained with blood, his black pants torn at the knees and down his shins. Red pooled around him on the brown seat he was rested on. His face was covered in dirt and sweat.

 

He moved towards his brother, climbing into the back seat. "Hey, wake up." He whispered. 

 

The bloodied twin slowly opened his eyes, "W-where are we?" He stuttered. 

 

"I think we're underground," His voice wobbled a little. "I think we've been buried alive."

 

///

 

"Senpai!" Haruhi shouted as she dashed across the room. Kyoya moved quickly behind her.

 

Tamaki's whole body was quivering, one hand slowly reaching down to the floor where his phone now lay. A huge crack now covered the screen, but it didn't stop him from picking it up.

 

"Tamaki, what's wrong?" Kyoya demanded. "Was it one of the twins?"

 

Tamaki's phone shook in his hand and Kyoya took it, worried he'd drop it again. He put the phone to his ear, and Haruhi saw something in his eyes that she'd never quite seen before. Complete and utter terror. 

 

"Senpai..?" She asked hesitantly, and Honey quickly does the same with, "Are Kao-chan and Hika-chan okay?"

 

Kyoya moved the phone and put the message on speaker, loud and clear for all of them. 

 

"Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin have been buried alive."

 

She felt the collective energy of the room plummet to a new low with each word that awful, distorted voice said.

 

"Wire transfer four million dollars to the following Grand Cayman account, or they will suffocate to death."

 

With that, Honey started to cry. But not in the cute way he'd always do for the girls, his breath caught in his throat and it felt like someone had a hand around his neck. He let out a sob, but tried to collect himself best he could. They have enough on their plates right now. They don't need to worry about him crying. 

 

"Upon receiving the wire transfer, I will provide you with Hikaru and Kaoru's G.P.S coordinates. You have twelve hours. This will be my last communication."

 

The room was, once again, silent. All eyes were wide open with pure fear, hands shaking at everyone's side. Tamaki's knees suddenly gave out and he collapsed, his body coming crashing down to the floor. Haruhi rushed over in an attempt to catch him, but failed. Honey had given up holding back his tears and was sobbing into Mori's leg. 

 

Kyoya's fingers were dialing a phone number rapidly. 

 

"Four million dollars," He mumbled. "Four million dollars."

 

"How many yen is that, Kyoya?" Haruhi asked, forgetting the formalities because they don't matter. Not now.

 

"A lot," He whispered. "Some four hundred million yen, I think. I- I can't focus. I'll work out the details later." He threw the phone up to his ear. 

 

"Mrs. Hitachiin? Yuzuha, yes. Have you received a call from an unknown number.. Yes, I understand you must get lots of calls but this is important. Kaoru and Hikaru- they've been buried alive. I just received a ransom call. Around four hundred million yen.." He stopped talking then, his dark eyes glued to the floor. 

 

Haruhi's legs felt as heavy as lead as she forced herself across the room and to Tamaki. 

 

"Senpai?" She asked, offering out a hand. He took it slowly and pulled himself up from the floor. He looked like he was going to be sick, or maybe pass out. Haruhi felt like she could do the same. 

 

She lead him to one of the chair in the room and he slowly lowered himself into it. His body did not stop shaking. Haruhi felt her hands doing the same.

 

"They'll be okay, Senpai." She said, but she could tell Tamaki didn't believe her. She wouldn't either.

 

"Twelve hours," Tamaki whispered, his voice quivering and cracking. "We've only got twelve hours."

 

"What do you mean, you don't have insurance for this?" Kyoya suddenly shouted into his phone. "Yuzuha, you idiot." He sneered. "How much can you get together, and how fast? Okay. Contact me when you have a number." He abruptly hung up and slammed his phone on a nearby table.

 

"Kyoya- what did Yuzuha say?" Mori asked, Honey resting quietly in his arms. 

 

"Who's Yuzuha?" Haruhi added.

 

"The twins mother," Kyoya started, moving his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose. "She doesn't have any type of ransom plan, or kidnapping insurance."

 

"That's a real thing?" Haruhi asked. If the situation weren't so dire, she'd be thinking, 'Damn rich people.'

 

"Yes. All my siblings and I have one set up. After all, it's normally richer people who are targeted. It's basic to have some money stored away for such a thing. Like how a commoner has a college fund." Across the room Mori nodded and Tamaki did to. 

 

"So, the only ones without that kind of thing are the ones who got kidnapped?" Haruhi asked and Kyoya grimly nodded. "Fantastic."

 

It wasn't till then that Haruhi really saw a downside to being rich. She had always seen rich people get things easier than she had. When she had to fight for her scholarship to Ouran, they all simply waltzed in with fat checks and got to go to school there. But now she understood why. They all had a sort of target on their back, one that she didn't share. The school wasn't just a place to learn, it was a place where the parents could believe their children would be safe.

 

"Yuzuha is working on how much money she can gather. As of now, I'm going to do a little research. Something sounds vaguely familiar about this kidnapper." 

 

"Kyoya, maybe we should move this to someone's house. I think we've already overstayed our welcome at the school for the day." Tamaki spoke calmly now, seemingly regaining his composure.

 

"Haru-Chan," Honey said, wiping tears off his cheeks. "Maybe we should stay at your house."

 

"You can't ask that of her," Mori spoke quietly, but Haruhi ignored him.

 

"Sure," She said, nodding. "But why my house?"

 

"If the news gets out that they were kidnapped, chances are that all our houses will get swarmed with press," Tamaki said, frowning. "They're less likely to send press to your house."

 

"That makes sense. Alright, let's get going." She found her backpack in the room and threw it on her shoulder. 

 

"I've already called my driver," Kyoya spoke as he gathered his belongs. 

 

They exited the building in a group, Mori and Honey leading in the front defensively. They all packed into Kyoya's car, and Kyoya instructed the driver to hurry, and told him Haruhi's address.

 

The drive was mainly quiet, and it went relatively fast. The soon arrived at Haruhi's house. Kyoya thanked the driver and then dismissed him. 

 

Haruhi lead them into her house and they all crowded in. While much smaller than any other hosts house, Haruhi's home was a lot roomier than any of them had ever expected.

 

Unlike all their mansions, Haruhi's house felt lived in. It was warm, and fuzzy with happy life. Not cold and empty, like their houses. Even if it was just Haruhi and her father there, they took up the space and made it more than a house. They made it a home.

 

"My dad may be home soon," Haruhi explained and she hung her keys by the front door. "Be prepared for that. Unless he decides to work late.¨

 

The hosts nodded and all began to pull off their shoes at the front door, which Haruhi had already done. The wooden floorboards were cold against their bare feet, but none of them complained. After all, they had more important things on their minds.

 

"Are you guys thirsty?" Haruhi asked. "Cause we've got some water bottles in the fridge."

 

Everyone shook their heads no. Haruhi grabbed one for herself and shrugged her shoulders, "Well, if you change your minds, they're in here." She said, gesturing.

 

Kyoya nodded his head, and his phone suddenly rang. He took it into his hands and answered quickly, "Do you have a number yet?" 

 

A brief silence swallowed them whole, and Kyoya harshly clenched his jaw.

 

"That's not enough," He whispered, like maybe the others wouldn't hear him. Like, maybe, they wouldn't have to face this if he said it quietly. But he knew that wasn't how these things worked, unfortunately. 

 

Kyoya had the phone balanced between his ear and his shoulder as he pulled his laptop out of his backpack. He lowered himself down the the floor and began typing quickly while Yuzuha spoke on the other line of his phone call. 

 

"No," He said eventually. "I'm not angry. I apologize for snapping earlier. I'll see what I can do money wise, and I'll have the other host to the same. We still have plenty of time, so don't worry. The twins will be fine." His voice was sweet as honey, but Haruhi could hear a ghost of doubt in his words. She chose not to confront him about lying. They had different priorities. 

 

"I'll see how much I can get, and I'll have the others do the same. Between the group of us, we should be fine. We shouldn't transfer the kidnapper any money till we have it all." Kyoya paused for a moment, the only noise his computer keys clicking. "Okay. I need to go. Talk to you later," then he hung up.

 

He didn't turn away from his computer to address the other hosts, Kyoya only cleared his throat.

 

Tamaki was immediately by his side. "What did she say?"

 

"Well," Kyoya began, somewhat hesitantly. "She said she can get her hands on about a fourth of the money we need. Which isn't a bad start, but we need to get working on gathering more as fast as we can."

 

"I know my family has to have proof of life for us to reach into that specific reserve, however I have some saved outside of that, and I can tap into that. I'll need you all to do the same, Haruhi excluded. Gather whatever you can."

 

Tamaki, Honey, and Mori all nodded and all began pulling out their phones and dialing numbers. Haruhi trudged across the room and knelt down to Kyoya on the floor. 

 

She looked at him, and he said nothing. He was not going to, until she promoted him. 

 

"What is it you aren't saying?" She asked, glancing over his shoulder at the computer.

 

Kyoya sighed, "I'm worried."

 

"That's not it," Haruhi stated, glaring at him. He had switched his computer tab to a blank one. "Whatever you're trying to hide, cough it up."

 

"I've heard of this kidnapper before," He said, suddenly turning from his computer and checking to see if the other hosts were out of earshot. "They're called the Grave Digger. Keeps the rules tight as a drum, and never deviates. That's what makes him so dangerous. Kidnappers get caught because they start to negotiate, but the Grave Digger doesn't. There's a book about it an American wrote. I read it a few years back."

 

"But we should have enough money, right? I mean, with all of you combined, you've gotta have enough."

 

"I don't know at this point. But if we don't, who knows what will happen. The only people to ever escape were two scientists that got taken last year. And they only escaped because one of them was a pedologist." His voice was surprisingly calm despite his nervousness. It was his body that gave it away, his tense posture and the tapping of his finger against the black plastic of his laptop.

 

He really never saw this coming, and that concerned him. He usually was the one who knew it all. Every dirty little secret and every trick up someone's sleeve. And when there was something he doesn't expect, something that somehow always seemed to involve the hosts, the twins the most, he could adapt and plan. However, he was struggling to figure out what to do next, despite how much he thought he had prepared for something like this. 

 

"So everyone else paid the ransom and lived?"

 

"Yeah," Kyoya replied and Haruhi rose an eyebrow. "That, or they suffocated to death under ground."

 

He watched as her front teeth ground into her bottom lip, and she didn't say a word. She nodded slowly and crossed her arms, gripping herself in a hug. 

 

"I'm going to contact the man who wrote the book, and the scientists, if I can. Ideally they could help us- but I don't know if they could in time. We have eleven hours left." 

 

To signal the conversation as over, he turned back to his computer. Haruhi, clearly not catching his clue asked, "What can I do to help?" In a shaky voice.

 

Kyoya wasn't sure what to say, so he was silent for a moment. Then he decided. "If you believe in God, pray."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is always appreciated!


	3. Quiet as a Mouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to mention that if you've watched the Aliens in a Spaceship episodes of Bones, I'm leaving out them finding the bodies of Mathew and Ryan Kent. Mainly because it would just be repetitious for the Gravedigger to have kidnapped twins twice. 
> 
> Also- I'm sorry its been so long since I've updated! I promise more will come soon, school has been hectic and adjusting back into it has been hard. I have the next chapter written, I just have to edit it. So I'll probably update again next week! I love you guys!

[Quiet as a Mouse](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcqyG0-nUeY&index=4&list=PL-bOhZXDkJHkZ7VgvPP2XKiTMfZ12dIs_)

Their eyes lock for a moment and the world seems to freeze, crushed by the weight of his words. 

 

He looked at his twin for an eternity, taking in all the details of his dirty face. He knew they must've been kidnapped. He knew that there was probably a ransom to be paid. He knew that this might be the last time they ever saw each other, while they were alive.

 

At least in the end they'd still be together.

 

The bloodied twins eyebrows were scrunched up, his eyes wet with pain and shock. His mouth open slightly, breaths labored and heavy. 

 

"W-what?" The bloodied twin stumbled over words, his mouth not cooperating with his commands. "Buried?"

 

"Yeah." The other whispered. 

 

Then, they were quiet, the only noise between them the distorted radio, which they both wanted to turn off, but neither have the nerve to move. 

 

The bloodied twins head was killing him, and his legs felt like they are on fire. He shifted his body so he was sitting upright, despite the painful protests his legs gave. He realized suddenly that, should they make it out of this alive, they wouldn't be so identical anymore. But that was something he could learn to live with, over time. 

 

He couldn't control his hand when it hovered over his twins' damaged legs. He knew that the right one had to be broken, with how it was twisted at some unnatural angle. The other leg didn't look much better, large parts of skin torn or peeled away from the muscle, and he swore he could see a bit of bone. 

 

"I'm gonna turn off the radio," He whispered and the hurt twin nodded. He climbed to the front seat and switched off the radio. 

 

When he was sitting there, he realized something. He glanced back at his twin, but said nothing. He turned back to the steering wheel, hands clinging to it tightly. 

 

He was not sure which twin he was anymore. He had always know whether he was Kaoru or Hikaru, but he couldn't tell now. The line that was always blurry to others was blurry to him now. He couldn't tell where he ended and his brother began.

 

But at the moment, it didn't matter.

 

He'd have to settle for knowing that he was the twin who was not injured. 

 

He looked to the backseat again and sees injured brothers hands hovering over his legs. His eyes were wide at all the blood, and glassy from the pain. His mouth hung open just a tiny bit, his breath coming out somewhat ragged. He touched his leg gently and then quickly pulled his hand back, jets of white fire burning in his flesh. His hand came back bloody. He frowned. His skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat. Everything hurt.

 

"How long do you think we've been down here?" The injured twins asked, trying to distract himself from pain.

 

"It can't have been long, maybe an hour or two. We were at the club till maybe six o'clock." He pushed his blue jacket sleeve up, looking at his watch. "It's ten o'clock now, but I don't know how far we were taken from the school." He kept his voice steady. It's probably ransom the people that have buried them want.

 

"How much air do we have?" His brother asked. 

 

Again, he didn't know. He feels a ghost of fire on his legs, probably sympathy for his brother, he decides. He notices his brother sweating, and attempted to adjust the ac in the car. The car could hardly function, but the little fans in the front started working to circulate the dusty air that surrounded them.

 

“I’m not sure,” He mumbled, searching through the glove box in the car to see if there’s anything in there. He found a few discarded water bottles, a container of advil, a swiss army knife, and an old flip phone. He noticed pages from a book, but he didn't reach for it. He took out one of the waters and poured two advil into his hand, passing them back to his brother. 

 

His twin took a drink of the water greedily and swallowed down the pills. A bead of sweat dripped down his temple. 

 

He signed and closed his eyes.

 

///

 

“If it helps at all,” She heard someone say, “Suffocation isn’t supposed to be a bad death. It’s like falling asleep.” Suddenly, Haruhi felt like she was going to be sick. The audio was coming quietly from Tamaki’s phone, as he studied all he could on the subject. 

 

“When we find the twins, I want to be able to help them,” He had told her. He had put emphasis on when, maybe too much. He knew that was not certain. 

 

Mori and Honey sat on the couch, both silent aside Honey’s occasional sniff. He stopped crying a while ago. Now he was just quiet. Haruhi wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

 

This whole situation was putting more stress on her than she’s ever felt before. The hosts can be a lot to manage at times but this…. This was an entirely different feeling that she hadn’t felt in a long time. She hadn’t been this helpless or lost or… Whatever the hell she was when her mom died. She let that thought pass just as quickly as it’d come. 

 

Part of her wanted to be mad at Yuzuha for not being prepared. Part of her was. But, the other part of her was mad at herself for not being able to help them. She didn't' have the money to help. She knew that the other hosts understood that, and they would not hold it against her but… She couldn't help but feel bad. Her hands were tied, and she couldn't do anything.

 

She was skimming the pages of a translation of that book Kyoya had mentioned. It’s the best she could do right now. She hated reading it but, at least, it’s written in cold, hard facts, unlike that article one of the scientist had written about their experience. That story had been descriptive.. The way he had talked about having to plunge a knife into his leg without antiseptic, risking shock, only to avoid slipping into the exact same thing… That had made Haruhi’s skin crawl. She really had almost been sick then. 

 

So now she’s stared at Kyoya’s laptop, eyes skimming over line after line of black lettering. She felt her stomach twist violently. She couldn't hold back her tongue. 

 

“We don’t need to be sitting here learning about how the twins are gonna die,” She said harshly and coldly. “We need hundreds of millions of yen. We should find a way to actually fucking help them instead of mourning before they’re even gone.”

 

And then, the room fell silent. She gritted her teeth, everyone’s eyes falling on her. She wanted to scream that this still did nothing to help the twins. But when she looked up and there was a certain light in Tamaki’s eyes that she recognized. Before she could say a word he was running towards her, arms extended. He scooped her up and hugged her quickly.

 

“Haruhi, you’re a genius!” He set her down.

 

“I didn’t do anything,” She said, and he didn't acknowledge her.

 

“We could contact our guests! Surely they’d help- Kyoya, how much more do we need?”

 

“We’re getting close,” He said,, his temperament much more collected than he was earlier. In fact, there was a tiny smile hidden on his lips. He was silently thanking god for Tamaki coming up with a plan, because he wasn’t sure if he could. “We are still about a million yen away but I think, with our guests help, we would be able to raise enough. Although, I’m not sure what we could offer as compensation for their donations.”

 

“We can figure that out, but for now, it’s settled. We will host an emergency gathering at the school and inform them of the situation.” His excited tone dimmed a bit. “We owe it to the twins to get them out of this mess.” 

 

Kyoya nodded solemnly, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll contact the school immediately and I’m sure they’ll understand. It’d be easier to have them contact all of our guests instead of having us do it, we don’t really have the time. I’ll contact Yuzuha after that.”

 

“For now,” Tamaki said again, gesturing his hands to everyone in the room except Kyoya, “Us four need to figure out how to convince them to help. Perhaps a prize of sorts.”

 

“Maybe it could be raffle tickets and we could figure out prizes later? I mean, the focus shouldn’t really be on a prize. But, if there's gotta be one, a raffle is the easiest thing for us to do so short notice.” Haruhi watched Tamaki nod his head and keep his eyes on Kyoya, who dialed numbers on his phone. She noticed his hands were shaking. She didn't say a word.

 

///

 

His fingers flipped through the pages of the tattered book from the glove department. He had taken note of as many things as he could from the car. He noticed the steering wheel was on the right, so it’s either a foreigners or a collectors. The water bottles are measured in ounces, and the book is English, so he leaned more toward their kidnapper being foreign. The car was old, and the stereo hardly worked. This car was meant to be disposed of sometime soon, he guessed. 

 

Part of him was wandering off to how much was being asked for. He didn't want to think about it, but he knew that the car didn't have enough air to keep them alive all too long. Some twenty four hours for one- and only twelve for both. It's not much time at any moment, much less with lives at stake. 

 

He wondered, if only for a moment before he pushes the thought away, if they were both going to die down there. He wondered if the hosts knew their situation. He wondered if the last thing he ever did would be running from the guy who showed he and his brother how good the world actually was. He can't remember if it was him who argued with Tamaki or his injured brother, but either way, they ran nonetheless.

 

God, he hoped that wouldn't be the last thing he did. 

 

The injured twin in the back was in no better a state of mind, if he was in any at all. His thoughts fluctuated from those of pain to panic to impending doom, and all the gloomy feelings in between. But for the most part, he was only clenching his teeth and groaning and wishing they had been prepared. That they hadn’t argued with Tamaki, and ran right into a trap.

 

Was it Tamaki and him that argued, or Tamaki and his brother?

 

He couldn't be certain. Neither of them can.

 

The only thing they knew was that they were running out of time too quickly. 

 

///

 

Across Ouran, cell phones were ringing and people were pulling themselves from their desks, tables, and beds to answer. When the news hit their ears, none of them knew what to think. 

 

A voice that only some of them recognizes immediately as Kyoya Ootori's told them the situation. 

 

“Firstly, let me apologize for having to call you this way, and this late. Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all. Ouran High School first year students Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin have been kidnapped. They only have around six hours left to live. The host club is selling raffle tickets in order to assist in their rescue. Tickets are 5000 yen a piece. Donations are also being accepted. Ways to donate or purchase tickets are linked on the host club's website at http//:ouranhighhosts.com/raffle. Again, that’s http//:ouranhighhosts.com/raffle. Anything helps. Thank you for your time. Kyoya Ootori.”

 

Tamaki’s eyes stayed glued to the page as he waited for tickets to be purchased. He refreshed the page and nothing happened. He refreshed the page again, and nothing changed. His stomach hurt, like someone was grabbing his insides and squeezing him and he was about to pop. He refreshed the page again. About twelve requests suddenly appeared, and more popped up by the second. 

 

He felt like he was going to pop- but for an entirely different reason. 

 

He watched as money was deposited into the Host’s paypal account steadily, and the tickets being bought at an almost alarming rate. He felt his face start to warm up, his cheeks becoming rosy as tears for in his eyes.

 

He never thought he'd be so excited to see those twin Devils again.


	4. Talking In Code

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just for clarification if you have seen the Bones episode- in this universe the Gravedigger was unprompted in kidnapping Brennan and Hodgins. The Kent boys did not get kidnapped.
> 
> I call this chapter: all things are bad and nothing is good ever

[Talking In Code](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifVDoNLUT7Y&index=11&list=PL-bOhZXDkJHkZ7VgvPP2XKiTMfZ12dIs_)

 

Kyoya checked the time hesitantly, his heart beating steadily as he fought off the oncoming panic. He was most certainly too aware of the time passing, and he checked the clock periodically every five minutes.

 

He couldn't help it, he was nervous. He knew they were running out of time. It hit him with a weight he never would've expected it to that money meant nothing if the twins ran out of air.

 

He knew that soon enough, even when they paid the Grave Digger, all they would find were too pale blue corpses, rather than companions.

 

He checked his watch again. They received the call from the Grave Digger around six last night, and it was currently two forty-five am. Three hours seemed like so little time.

 

Honey was currently curled up on Haruhi’s sofa, out like a light once Mori got him calmed down from his distress. Crying so much had taken a lot out of him, and Mori had little trouble getting him to sleep.

 

Kyoya could tell that his fellow hosts were all starting to grow exhausted as well, watching as Haruhi carefully brewed a pot of coffee. Kyoya was perfectly aware that they all likely got more sleep than him on a normal night, after all, they weren't the ones that ran the website, or managed the money. That was all him. He didn't mind, it was good experience to have under his belt.

 

Regardless, he wished Tamaki would just take a nap. Staring at the computer screen while numbers changed would not get them anywhere.

 

He’d suggested Tamaki rest several times now, and he considered doing it again, but Tamaki would just reply something like, “I won't abandon the twins,” even though that's not what he'd be doing, or, “I'm of more use awake,” even though he was not.

 

So Kyoya said nothing, and checked his watch. The clock said two fifty.

 

/////

 

He was not sure when his brother fell asleep in the back seat of the car, but he was thankful. At least he was not groaning as loudly. In fact, he almost looked peaceful.

 

Unfortunately, he knew that was not the case. His brothers face dripped sweat, and his cheeks were somehow bright red, yet losing color at the same time.

 

He wished he knew more English so he could at least read the book from the glove box, that way he wasn't so bored while he awaited rescue, or death. Whichever came first. Not like reading was really all that interesting, but it was more interesting than doing nothing. He noticed that it was getting a little harder the breath, each intake just a little more labored. He chose to think about something else as soon as the thought came into his mind.

 

That was another reason he was thankful that his injured brother was knocked out in the back. He knew that those kind of thoughts weren’t infecting his brain, and if they were, he wasn't able to process them.

 

He sighed and adjusted himself in the car's leather seats. He wondered what the hosts are doing. He wondered if they were all sleeping peacefully, or sleeping at least. He wondered if he was the only one awake, processing what's happening. Part of him wanted to think he was, because then he's the only one suffering. But part of him wanted to think he was not alone.

 

Regardless, when he heard his brother start to wake up, he knew he wasn’t.

 

/////

 

Haruhi stood silently in the kitchen, pouring herself a cup of coffee. It was not till she turned from the counter that she saw that Mori was standing behind her. She'd probably be startled if she weren't so tired. Though, if she were to be honest, she had almost forgotten Mori was there.

 

He didn't say anything. She smiled and poured him a cup of coffee too, lifting his hand from his side and placing it in his large palm.

 

He took it and whispered thank you, and Haruhi was painfully aware that he wanted to say something.

 

“What's wrong?” She asked, prompting him to say whatever it is he's holding in. But he glanced at Honey and said nothing.

 

“Mori, what's bothering you?” She didn't bother with formalities. She figured that the hosts didn't really care at this point anyway, and they feel unnecessary. He turned to her. Sometimes she forgets how tall he is.

 

“Me and Honey should've been there to protect them.”

 

“Mori, protecting us isn't your responsibility. It's not your fault the twins got nabbed. It could've happened to anyone.”

 

“That's not true.” Is all he replied, and she understood what he meant almost instantly.

 

“It's not your fault that they don't know martial arts.”

 

Mori he didn't add anything, he just turned silently. They both walked back into the room with the other hosts.

 

“There's coffee, if anyone wants some,” Haruhi said as she entered. She watched Mori lower himself down to the ground next to the sofa, as Honey had his entire body stretched out across it and there was no room left for Mori.

 

Kyoya nodded his head at her as checked his watch again.

 

“Kyoya,” Tamaki said suddenly, and all heads turning to him.

 

“Yes?” He replied, adjusting his glasses.

 

“How much time do we have left?”

 

“Roughly three hours.” Haruhi noticed that he didn't check his watch when he said that. He just knew.

 

Tamaki nodded and then went quiet again.

 

“Why'd you ask?” Kyoya added, moving closer to Tamaki in a manner that was hard to place.

 

“Because,” Tamaki’s voice was crumbling with just that word. “The ticket sales are reaching a stand still.”

 

///

 

When the injured brother woke up, it was with a sharp groan. His nose scrunched up and his eyes didn't exactly open, but they're also not exactly closed. He sat up quickly, reaching for his legs. At some point they’d wrapped them with his jacket to help slow the bleeding, but he wasn't sure how long ago that was.

 

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” His brother said from the front seat, trying to keep the mood light. He didn't have time for that. He could feel it.

 

“How much time do we have left?” He asked, his voice surprisingly rough.

 

“Maybe three hours?” He replied.

 

The injured brother nodded, biting down on his lip. He was telling himself that he would be fine, over and over like it's a mantra. Mind over matter, right?

 

“What's wrong?” His brother asked, their eyes meeting. His brothers were filled with concern that he hated to be the cause of. He knew his own must look bloodshot and pained.

 

“My legs… They just hurt. A lot.” His sentences came out shorter than he expected them to, and his breathing was noticeably shallow. He raised one of his hands to his face to wipe sweat off his forehead- forgetting how bloody his hands were. He choked on his tongue.

 

“Hey- you should take another Advil or something. We have some water left.” His brother looked to the passenger seat and the pile of little objects rested on it. He took a few Advil out of the bottle and handed them, as well as the water, to his injured brother, who took them almost greedily.

 

“Don't worry,” He said as calmly as he could, eyes drawn to his brothers bloody hands as he raised the water bottle to his lips. “It won't be long.”

 

Neither of them wanted to ask, but both thought, “Long till what?”

 

/////

 

“What do you mean, ‘reaching a standstill?’” Kyoya asked, his voice sharp as he moved toward Tamaki quickly, grabbing the computer and adjusting his glasses.

 

“I mean that's no ones buying the damn things anymore.” Tamaki’s voice was laced with a poisonous annoyance. “How much did you say we needed again?”

 

“In addition to what we had already gathered, we needed almost ten million yen.” Kyoya looked over the computer in his hands, switching between tabs. “We already drained all the money we can from the host club's funds, so we can't look there for money.

 

“I don't know if we'll be able to raise that much. We’re running out of time, and we don't know how far away the twins are, much less if we’ll be able to reach them in time.” He glanced at his watch. “We still have around two hours and fifty minutes.”

 

“We can't give up,” Tamaki said, standing. His eyes weren't glowing like they usually do. Haruhi could tell why.

 

“I don't know how we are going to get that much money,” Kyoya said quietly. “We’ve all already given as much as we can do short notice. Twelve hours just wasn't enough time. The Grave Digger usually only takes on victim at a time, excluding the case of those two American scientists. So why would he take both twins?”

 

“We can ask that question later,” Haruhi interjected. “Don't talk about them like they're already dead, because they aren't. How much money did you say we still needed?”

 

“Almost three million yen,” He said, sighing. “It´s not even all that much, but without proof of life it´s hard to get people to give anything. Banks included.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose roughly. “The whole situation is absurd, to say the least. The kidnapper is perfectly aware that no one could get their hands on this much money without proof of life, and in twelve hours. He simply does not care.”

 

“Kyoya,” Haruhi interrupted him. “I already have some money stored away for college. It might be enough to cover the rest of the money we need.”

 

“We are not taking your college money,“ Tamaki stated firmly. “We can't ask that of you. You've worked hard to earn all of that.“

 

“Consider it a loan,” Kyoya said, ignoring Tamaki. “We will pay you back. Could I get your bank information?”

 

Haruhi nodded.

 

“Kyoya, she’s a commoner! We can't take money from her!” Tamaki spat, his voice attempting to be commanding.

 

“I suppose, what, we let the twins die then?” He glanced to Tamaki as he placed his laptop in Haruhi’s hands. “Tamaki, we will pay her back, with interest if it will make you happier. We aren't going to let two people die on a stupid principal of yours.”

 

“It-It’s not stupid!” He shouted and Kyoya rolled his eyes in response.

 

Haruhi smiled, because things were starting to feel normal.

 

//////

 

“Hey….  Hey… Wake up….” A voice called out to him. Who was it? He couldn´t really tell. They sounded… far off, and distant. They weren't speaking very loudly either. The pain in his legs had numbed, he couldn't feel it anymore. Then again, he could not feel much of anything. Like all his limbs and troubles and pains had slipped away and he was just floating. Away. Out of the ground, and away.

 

“Wake- wake up.” He demanded of his brother as he shook his shoulders.

 

The two had been talking when suddenly his injured brothers eyes had rolled back in his head and he had fallen back into his seat.

 

He had practically leaped back to check on him, sitting on the storage part of the center console, seeing if his brother was okay. Even though it was painfully obvious he wasn´t. His injured brothers pulse fired rapidly, fluttering, yet was somehow nonexistent under his fingers when he pressed them to his neck. He felt like he was going to be sick, but he pushed that to the back of his mind harshly, focusing solely on his brother.

 

“Wake up!” He demanded again, feeling his fingers tighten around his brothers arms. Little breaths were leaving his grey lips hesitantly and shakily, each one a different length and depth then that last.  His face was bathed in sweat, so much so that it was able to drip down his face.

 

“Please- wake up.” He whispered and he watched his brothers eyes moved behind his eyelids. He was shaking- both of them. Both of them were shaking like leaves being ripped off out trees by a cold, harsh wind. Quivering in the ground where no one would ever find them.

 

He was hit with a realization so suddenly that he found himself winded while he looked at his injured brothers legs, soaked thoroughly with blood. He gagged and choked on his own tongue, he tried to stand up and hit his head on the top of the car. When he came back to the ground of the back seat, hands covering his mouth as tried to keep himself from hyperventilating. His brother was dying.

 

A sob broke out of his lips before he could attempt to stop it. He reached out for his brother again, fingers tight. He gripped his shoulders hard, harder than he had before, and shouted from him to wake up. Begging. He was begging at this point.

  
“Wake up!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We havin fun, are we not?
> 
> Things are going from 0 to 100 real fast. Im gonna try to update again before I get off winter break, but the next chapter is.. a big one ahhaha.  
> Btw if yall have any suggestions or anything my ears are open! There are some things that are not decided yet and I would love to hear your input! Kudos and comments are appreciated!  
> Thank you all for putting up with my inconsistent updating and such.


	5. A Light On a Hill (pt. 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really long and I wanted to have more time to work on future updates so... I'll post the second half next week maybe? Idk. I haven't been getting much time to write. But just for reference, the second half is done.

[A Light On a Hill](A%20Light%20On%20a%20Hill)

 

Forking over her bank information was easier than she expected it to be. She trusted Kyoya to pay her back, he was the kind of guy that kept his word on that kind of stuff. And even if he didn’t, she supposed she’d learn to deal with that.

Luckily, she had quite a bit of money saved up. She had been looking into college for a while, and she wanted more than a community college. She understood perfectly well that that would be expensive. She and her father and been putting money away for that fund ever since Haruhi was extremely little, as they wouldn’t be able to afford it otherwise.

Her bank allowed her access to the money without much problem when she explained the situation. Kyoya transferred the funds to the host club's account and observed the numbers.

“At this point,” He said with a slight smiled. “We have enough.”

 

/////

 

He was almost too aware that he must have entered some sort of denial. He kept gagging and coughing and sputtering at the sight before him. He closed his eyes in a desperate attempt to save himself from it because maybe, if he couldn't see it, it wouldn't be real.

He understood how faulty that logic was. He wasn't a child, his object permanence functioned perfectly, and even behind his eyelids he could see his collapsed brother, blood and broken and incredibly bruised in one hundred different ways and one hundred different places.

He couldn't catch his breath. Air flowed in and out of his lungs but he took nothing from it. His eyes stung and there was a huge lump in his throat that hurt something awful. He sucked in another breath. His head started to pound.

He moved himself the the front seat, away from his brother. A thought entered his head that made him sick.

“At the very least, my survival time has doubled.”

He felt vomit and bile rise to his mouth but he contained it. What would it matter how long he lived? His brother was dead. And he couldn't do any of this alone.

His hands gripped tightly onto the steering wheel in front of him, his feet resting somewhere near the petals. He tightened his grip, trying to ground himself. He was already underground. What was the point?

 

/////

 

“Okay,” Kyoya announced as he reentered the room. “I transferred the money to the Grand Caymen account. I have their coordinates, they aren't far. I've already called my driver, as well as local police. They're already preparing to dig them out. We are trying to keep it quiet, but don't be surprised if the news or something show up. Let's go.”

They followed him out the door and into the car that was waiting outside. Kyoya sat in the front by the driver, the rest of them loaded into the back. They were quiet.

Ootori police force escorted their vehicle, sirens all blaring at once as the speed through the streets, all of them numbing into a loud hum.

None of them can focus on it enough to place a note to it, or identify it by a tone. It all fades into white noise or into nothing at all.

He sat in complete silence, ringing his hands together. He silently prayed that this would work, that they would arrive in time and the twins would be fine. And that they'd accept his apology.

He really needed them to accept his apology.

He understood perfectly why they wouldn't. He was being a dick. He knew Haruhi wasn't his, and that she had the right to be with whoever she wanted to.

But he just got so jealous.

He took a big breath and then let it out slowly. Tamaki shut his eyes.

He reassured himself, the twins would be fine. They had plenty of time to spare- the police were already working to locate and free the twins. They’d arrive in time to be there when they were freed- or only slightly after. The twins would be fine. He clenched his jaw. They'd be fine.

 

/////

 

No longer able to stop himself, he spilled the contents of his stomach all over the floor of the car. Thankfully, the smell wasn't too awful, as he hadn't anything to eat in almost eleven hours.

His throat burned and his nose stung from his trying to keep in his throw up. He wiped his mouth on the blue sleeve of his jacket and then removed it, feeling sweat drip down his face.

He grabbed the mainly empty water bottle from the floor of the car and brought it to his lips. He hesitated and set it down without taking a sip.

He wiped his brow, and let a breath shudder out of his lips. He convinced himself not to look to the back of the car to see him brother. He already knew what he would see. He needed to stop crying, he was sucking all the air out of an already oxygen deprived space.

He but down on his lip and gripped his hands together. He felt tears run out of his eyes. He couldn't stop them.

He couldn't fix this.

 

/////

 

Honey gripped Mori’s hand quietly, well rested from his earlier nap.

He felt bad for falling asleep for so much of this, he was just overwhelmed and his body took charge.

Now, however, he had no trouble keeping his eyes open.

Mori looked exhausted. Honey squeezed his hand and Mori moved his head to face him slowly.

They both felt equally bad about the whole situation. They knew how to fight. _They should've been there to protect them._

They should've been there and used their strength to protect their friends.

But the weren’t.

Honey scooted closer to Mori in the car. He leaned his head into Mori’s side and sighed.

It was too late to protect them now.

Mori said nothing, only squeezed Honey’s hand in reply. He took a deep breath, and tried to remind himself of Haruhi’s words.

This wasn't their fault. They couldn't have seen this coming.

Haruhi kept her eyes downcast, her foot tapping on the floor of the vehicle quietly. She repressed a yawn, and silently wished she had brought her mug off coffee with her in the car. She was exhausted, and she could see that the majority of the other hosts were as well. She understood why perfectly, it’d been a rough night for all of them.

She considered letting her eyelids shut and take a quick nap on the ride, but she couldn’t bring herself to. She knew it was likely irrational, but she couldn’t help but feel that, as long as the twins were still technically in danger, she should not be resting. She shouldn’t rest until they were safety returned to their home.

Plus, those sirens would make it hard for her to fall asleep anyway. She pursed her lips and kept her eyes open.

 

/////

 

When he finally calmed himself, he turned back to his brother. He swallowed air and climbs to the back again.

His hands were suddenly shaky when he reached for his brothers pale neck. He knew that he would find no pulse. But he also knew that, at the least, he had to check. He had to be certain, one-hundred percent, that his brother was gone.

All the signs were there- his brothers lips now painted a faint blue, his sweaty skin drained of color. His eyes were closed. No more blood came from his legs, the flow having run out. He was laying on the seat in an unnatural position.

Still, he found it to be somewhat of a shock to find no pulse. His breath hitched in his throat but he stopped himself from crying again. He took his jacket from the front seat of the car and set it on the floor, re-positioned his brothers limbs so he was straight as a board. He looked peaceful then. He draped his blue jacket over his now deceased brother and moved back to the front seat.

He became detached from reality. There was no way any of this could possibly be real- it just wasn’t possible. Before he knew it, his brother would wake up and be healthy and fine, the wounds on his legs would disappear into nothing, his lips would become pink again and his skin would no longer be clammy.  

All he had to do was wait.

 

/////

 

Kyoya’s fingers drummed harshly on the panel to his side and he kept his eyes glued to his watch. Stabilizing himself with each passing tick or tock, counting the minutes, the seconds.

 _Not long now,_ he told himself.

He took his eyes off his watch just long enough to steal a glance at the gps, which told him they were only a few kilometers away from their intended destination. That relieved him.

When the car parked he practically flung himself out, opening his car almost before they had reached a complete stop. Tamaki came out no more than two seconds behind him, then Haruhi, and Mori and Honey in unison.

His eyes landed on a confident looking police officer that stood tall of a little hill, looking over land.

The coordinates the Grave Digger had given were that of an old rice farm, one that had been given up by it’s owners years ago and was destine to be repurposed as a mall or house sometime soon. The land had been left alone long enough that the water had dried and the crops had died.

All the remained of the farm was a creaky old house and a few square kilometers of loose dirt.

Kyoya bit his lip.

He noticed a bulldozer parked nearby, and a man sitting in a firetruck with jaw of life at the ready. He noticed officers holding shovels.

He noticed that no one was out in the dirt looking.

“What the hell are you all standing around for?” He yelled, commanding attention. He pulled off the jacket of his school uniform and grabbed one of the shovels. “Get looking! We won’t find them by standing around!”

All the officers scrambled for a second and then spread out, walking in pairs or small groups and heading off into different parts of the field. Kyoya started walking off into the field on his own and the other host followed suit, splitting off into their usually pairs, leaving Tamaki with Haruhi, Honey with Mori, and Kyoya on his own.  

Haruhi struggled to keep up with Tamaki’s pace as he rushed across the lot. She had a strange sense of deja vu, her brain connecting this with less than twelve hours ago when they were rushing towards Honey- only to find the blood stained concrete.

She was calmed by the knowledge that now they were looking for something good, not some threatening implication of the worst. She let that thought occupy a large part of her mind- she knew it was true. In her world where the ground was shaky and nothing was certain- especially in the last twelve hours- having sometime certain to hold onto felt foreign- but in a nice fuzzy way.

She watched as Tamaki whipped his head around so quickly that she was certain it would detach from his shoulders. A yell fired out into the air so loudly that it echoed and left her confused to its origins. It seemed to come from everywhere at once.

The air froze, and she did to, turning in circles like an idiot, searching for the source of that yell.

 

/////

 

There was a noise so sudden and so loud that he practically jumped out of his skin, ripped from the calm he had attempted to build around himself while he waited for the air to run out.

It had come from above him, he was certain of that much.

He couldn't tell what it had been, maybe a growl or cry of an animal, or the footsteps of some large animal trapping over him, making the threat of death switch from suffocation to being squashed like a bug.

But… He didn't believe that it was an animal.

It sounded too familiar.

Too _human_.

He stood in the car and began to slam his fists against the roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! I wanted to get some opinions- should I make a blog on tumblr for writing? I'd love to hear more feedback and such from you guys but I get that a lot of people are too shy to comment without anon. What do you think? Anyone interested in that?  
> There would be a lot of wips and thoughts posted on there while I work. Idk, might be fun!  
> Additionally- I have a habit of spacing out my paragraphs kinda weirdly and putting blank lines just cause I'm used to writing in notes in my phone. I took em out this time- does the writing look better like this? If so, I'll go through and respace the other chapters.  
> Thank you guys for all the help!


	6. A Light On a Hill (pt. 2)

[A Light On a Hill](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYKWQXxeHZo)

 

Kyoya had run so quickly he feared he would trip over his own feet when he saw the freshly disturbed dirt. There was a feeling deep in his stomach that he couldn't give a name to.

Fear? Relief? Maybe it was just hope?

Or maybe it was all of those things at once. He dismissed it, it didn't matter. All that mattered was what was under that dirt.

He skidded to a stop there and squatted down, brushing dirt away from the metal he thought he saw peeking through the rubble.

And his suspicions were confirmed true enough for him to believe them.

His voice came to his throat before he had even thought of the words. 

“I found them!” Kyoya’s voice had filled the air. “I found the twins!”

And then it was silent. He stood still, hands around his mouth in an effort to amplify his voice. He yelled again.

“Over here!”

He began to wave his arms well above his head. Suddenly, everyone on the lot came rushing his way, kicking up dirt as they did, coming at him like a dust storm.

But he stood his ground. Heard an odd noise- and looked down. He could hear someone  _ pounding _ at the roof of the car beneath him.

He squatted down, not caring to keep his knees off the dusty ground, and slammed his hands onto the metal.

“Hikaru- Kaoru! We’re here! We’re getting you out!”

The pounding didn't stop so he assumed that the twins couldn't hear him. He stood up. People surrounded him, officers carry shovels and he looked down to see one in his hands, though he didn't remember how it got there. He looked over the hosts he could see, Tamaki’s teary eyes that he's hoping no one will notice, and Haruhi’s slight smile of relief. Honey and Mori had took shovels and taken action, already scraping dirt away from metal roof of the car. Kyoya snapped himself out of his haze and grounded himself, shoving his spade into the dirt and pulling it back out, relocating the soil to a pile that Honey and Mori had begun.

It didn't take long for Tamaki and Haruhi to join in. It seemed that in only a few minutes the metal roof of the car was exposed. To their fortune, the car hadn't been buried deep, the roof sitting only a few inches beneath the topsoil. 

“Alright, stand back,” one of the firefighters said. The hosts spread away from the roof.

Kyoya hadn't seen what he was carrying yet, and he wasn't quite certain what he expected, but the large buzzsaw the man was carrying wasn't it.

 

////

 

The noises that came from above were, to be completely honest, scary. They were loud, and they made his ears hurt.

Little did he know what he'd be getting into next.

The noises stopped for a moment and he pressed his hands to the roof, looking up at the fuzzy material as if it'd decide to open up and free him.

Suddenly, there a loud, ear piercing buzzing noise that startled him so badly that he hit his head on the roof. He feel back to his seat, rubbing his temple in shock as the noise only persisted.

He sat and the noise echoed around the cars small space, traveling quickly through the thin air. 

The sound got increasing louder, and closer, and he lowered down further in the leather seat to escape it, to get away from it.

Then, almost in slow motion, he watched as the roof above him was ripped through by a sharp saw. All the air in his lungs disappeared, and all the air in the car must've too because his chest remained empty no matter how much he gulped for oxygen.

And then, there was a voice.

“Kaoru, Hikaru, just wait a second! We’re gonna have to cut more of the roof to get you out. It won't be long.”

He couldn't place whose voice it was, all he knew was that he was being  _ rescued _ .

Only a moment too late.

 

/////

 

Tamaki chewed on his tongue like a cow chewed his cud, calmly and slowly. He just needed to slow his heart rate. His heart was pounding in his chest so loudly that he could hardly hear the screaming of the buzzsaw.

He had only just begun to figure out his apology, searching for words in his brain that would fit. It was his fault the twins ran off on their own, and his fault that they were vulnerable. It was his fault that they were kidnapped.

Nothing felt big enough to make up for that. No words could fix the damage he'd done. He took a deep and dug his thumb nail into the opposite hand. He looked at Haruhi, who was staring down at the car and the buzzsaw, and the bright little sparks that it spit as it cut through the roof.

He felt awful. He treat her poorly sometimes, dehumanizing when he'd called her the host club's dog so long ago, and now cruelly in attempting to claim her as her own. 

He was oblivious to the reasons why he felt the ways he did about her. All he knew was that he got a feeling deep down in the pit of his stomach that was warm and shaky.

His stomach now, however, was doing flips, gurgling and grumbling. Bike threatened his throat in a way that made him uncomfortable and nervous.

The buzzsaw that had become only background noise was silenced. The firefighter lifted with the mask he had been wearing.

“Hitachiins? I'm going to remove the panel we’ve cut out. Okay?”

There was the quiet sound of a hum in reply, and then the officer took his rubber gloved hands and began to reach his fingers between the gaps between the cuts. He lifted the edge on the panel and another officer helped him pull it off. Dragging it off upset the dirt around it, some of it falling down the hole in the car and making it almost hard to see. 

The panel they had removed only exposed the front seats, and the eyes one twin looked up at them. His face was smeared with blood, and his hair was messy, his clothes dotted with specks of blood from his brother and sweat from himself. 

The officer looked down at his calmly, and let the boy take in several large breaths of fresh air as his eyes adjusted to the light of the early morning above him. 

The Hosts all remained a few feet from the car, knowing that getting the twins out may be dangerous due to the jagged edges of the hole. Still, their patience was wearing thin. 

They watched in silence as a few officers helped lift one of the twins from the car. The twin squinted his eyes in the sunlight, his eyes having long since adjusted to the darkness of the unground car. 

And then, in slow motion almost, watched the twin shake his head when the officer asked about his brother. They watched as the officer disappeared into the hole and then as he slowly lifted something into their view again. 

A couple of other officers helped it above ground, then they rested it gently on the dirt.

Kyoya tried to keep himself still as he watched a paramedic- dressed up in blue clothes and with her hair pinned up- press two of her little fingers against the neck. But her decision had already been made. 

She turned her head, her eyes wide and regretful, like someone who didn’t see death on a daily basis, or see corpses burning in car wrecks and skulls scrapped across grounds after someone flew through a window. Like someone who had hope, and in that very moment, lost all of it as she learned the world was cruel. She turned her head slowly, and carefully, like it may roll off or she might lose it. Her lips pinched tight. She shook her head.

And Kyoya couldn’t keep himself still anymore. 

His long strides allowed him to move to the twins quickly, both of them, not a living or dead one, both of them. He held his palm up behind him, gesturing for Tamaki to stay put, stay still.

He walked behind the paramedic and waited, not saying a word. He knew what she would say to him. He knew what she would say. She would say-

“I’m sorry.” The paramedic said quietly, turning to face Kyoya. “He’s gone. His body is losing warmth. He’s been gone at least two hours, maybe more.”

Kyoya didn’t say a word. He just walked passed her, and waited for her or someone else to ask the time for the certificate. He heard it come as a whisper from one ear to another.

Time of death- 09:24. 

He looked at the twins broken, battered, bruised,  _ deceased, _ body. His vibrant orange hair was flat and greasy and his skin was white and flat, his features already seeming sunken. His eyes were closed, and so much of him was painted in blood, blood, blood,  _ blood. _

Kyoya maintained his composure as he moved to the twin, the living one, who had been moved to sitting in the back of an ambulance, a dark blanket draped over his shoulders, and translucent tears dripping down his face. And Kyoya sat next to him.

And then there were noises- cars driving onto the field, over the dirt that had been reduced to a grave on that day. The media, the news, everyone in the world arrived on that rice field to hear the story that everyone there knew, to an extent, and no one had the right to tell. 

Kyoya made eye contact with the twin for a moment and suddenly felt that he was at a loss for words. There was nothing he could do to console him, or to fix any of this. So Kyoya just looked at him and frowned, and put a hand close to the twin until he looked up to him.   
  
"I'm sorry," The words felt plain and stale in his mouth.    
  
The twin turned his head from Kyoya and watched as the paramedics lifted his brother into a body bag, trying to hide him before the news came to take pictures. He pushed himself to just accept it. Accept that his brother was dead and gone. But something in him just couldn't. He had never existed without his brother. From the second he was brought into the world, his brother existed with him. From the moment they were conceived, they existed together.   
  
Until quite recently, they had not only existed with each other, but they had not existed to anyone else. Without the host club, no one would've known the other was gone. They were extensions of each other. Two broken halves of a once perfect whole that couldn't exist anymore.   
  
Who has he without his brother?   
  
He sniffed and tried to hold back his tears, but he felt them slide down his cheeks anyway.    
  
Then the other hosts walked over slowly, walked to him and Kyoya. Haruhi's giant eyes filled with sorrow,  and Honey's wet and tearful. Mori's posture was tense and Tamaki...   
  
Tamaki was digging his thumb into the palm of his hand so harshly that it was starting to draw blood. His hair was a mess and his clothes were disheveled.    
  
And he didn't say anything and he walked over to the twin and wrapped his arms around him. The twins breath hitched in his throat and he didn't quite wrap his arms around Tamaki, but they were no longer gripping the blanket on his shoulders like a lifeline.    
  
They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, letting the twin sob into Tamaki's shoulder for a moment that seemed to be frozen in time. Eventually he pulled back, wiping his nose and his eyes that's whites had become a bright red. He opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish, his lips quivering the whole way. And then he finally mumbled something coherent.   
  
"I'm just... Ready to go home."   
  
Tamaki nodded and Haruhi moved to give him a hug. Soon enough the paramedic walked over and entered their group. It was the same one that Kyoya had spoken to earlier, her hands still wrapped in purple latex gloves. She brushed a loose piece of hair off of her temple and then joined her hands in front of her, waiting to catch the twins attention instead of interrupting him.   
  
He looked over to her eventually and she smiled at him delicately. "I'm sorry, I hate to ask this, but which twin are you?"    
  
And his mouth, again, opened and closed wordlessly as a thousand emotions passed through his eyes. Suddenly, his eyes became wet again, and he choked on the words in his throat.    
"H-Hikaru.." He mumbled.   
  
"You're Hikaru?" The paramedic asked.    
His breath hitched again, and he tried not to gag on his own sobs. "N-no. Hikaru is dead."   
  
“So you are Kaoru?” He only nodded in reply, his head moving up and down and then falling to his shoulders that shake with his sobs.

“Okay, Kaoru. We are going to take you to the hospital, just to check your vitals and everything. Make sure you aren't injured. You may have been a little oxygen deprived- not too awfully, but we want to make sure all is well. We will have to have you stay overnight for observations, alright?”

He didn't say anything, just tried to hold back his tears and bury himself deeper into the shock blanket. The nurse smiled, a somewhat pained look in her eyes, and walked away. 

Kaoru didn't make eye contact with any of his fellow hosts, shifting uncomfortably under their gaze. He desperately tried to steel himself. No one moved or said a word. The sound of their quiet breathing is accompanied only by the sirens coming from the surrounding vehicles. 

Before he could process that Honey was coming toward him, he had already lifted himself onto the ambulance next to Kaoru and wrapped his arms lightly around his waist, burying his face into Kaoru’s side and the shock blanket.

He didn't say a word. He didn't have to. And then, one by one, the hosts surrounded him in a giant group hug, out in the middle of nowhere in some old abandoned rice field where they lost one of their own.  
 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I REALIZED THAT I FORGOT TO POST THIS LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO IM SO SORRY
> 
> I made a writing blog on tumblr is any of you are interested.   
> It's educationaladmiral. Here's a link- https://educationaladmiral.tumblr.com/  
> Thank you all for your patients. I'll try to post again soon. I've just gotten preoccupied with other projects and I got real sick. But I'm all good now!


	7. Bookworm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And you couldn't breathe,  
> with all those doctors at your side.  
> But you're talking to me,  
> saying I wish that I had died."  
> Bookworm- Margot and the Nuclear So & So's

[Bookworm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRK_lDVUJME)

 

Soon enough their tightly knit hug fell apart and they were all loitering around Kaoru. He wasn't saying much, his eyes downcast, teeth gnawing on the inside of his cheek intently.

The nurse came over and informed them that they were going to drive him to the hospital, and that they were welcome to follow, but we're not permitted inside the ambulance. The hosts nodded in understanding, and made their way back to Kyoya’s car, Kaoru looking on them as they walked away.

Once they were a distance, far out of his earshot, Kyoya began to speak.

“This,” he had begun suddenly, “is going to change everything. I'm sure you are all aware of that.”

All eyes were on him, and he continued.

 “We have to be there for Kaoru. We can't get caught up in our own grief. Our loss may be great,” He had his hands collapsed together, holding them tight enough that his knuckles were practically white. “His is much, much greater.”

 “Poor Kaoru..” Tamaki said sadly, sounding far older than his years. “Half of his world just collapsed.”

 The door of the car opened in front of them and they all piled in, Kyoya shutting the door behind them and moving to the front seat.

 “Haruhi,” Tamaki said quietly. “Close your mouth, you'll catch flies like that.” 

 She hadn't realized her mouth had been hanging ajar til them and quickly shut her lips, slightly embarrassed. She sunk into her seat as she fastened her seatbelt, somewhat expecting it to swallow her up. She noticed that Honey and Mori were sitting very far apart somehow, despite being in seats right next to each other, Mori’s hand tucked underneath his legs and Honey’s huddled in his lap.

 And Tamaki, _oh, Tamaki_. His eyes were wet and bright red, his lips clamped together tightly. His knees were pressed together in front of him, his arms crossed and his hands gripped his arms, wrinkling the fabric of his jacket. 

 Suddenly he looked like a small child, opposite of how he had seemed only minutes earlier. Something inside her moved and she wanted to move to wrap her arms around him, and whisper to him that everything would be alright. She felt the car begin to move and she handled her compulsion. 

 The drive to the hospital felt like it took hours, but Kyoya knew that it only took an hour, on the dot. Of course, Kaoru was there long before them, head certainly pounding from the blaring on the siren in his ears. 

 The hosts entered the waiting room, which was not horribly full, and took their seats as Kyoya made his way to the desk. They watched from a distance as he spoke to the man sitting behind the desk, who listened to Kyoya with little interest as he explained who they were looking for. Then, he clicked a pen that he held in his hands and set it on the desk, turning from Kyoya without a word, and to the computer. His fingers drummed on the keys for a moment, and he leaned a little closer to read the text. His mouth opened, as he turned back to Kyoya.

 “Kaoru Hitachiin was who you were looking for?” He spoke, picking up a clipboard in front of him and flipping up a page carelessly while Kyoya nodded to him. He set the clipboard down again and turned to his computer and refreshed the page, then was silent for a moment. “There we are, these computers are ancient. He's in room 114B, that's up a level. There may be some police officers in there talking to him- says here that they had some coming over to ask him some questions. He's got on a mask for his brain hypoxia-” He paused to look at Kyoya up and down, somewhat disparagingly. “That’s when the brain lacks oxygen.”

 “Yes, I know what it is. Thank you.” Kyoya turned from the man and walked back to his friends, only taking a second to be annoyed by the strangers supercilious manner. Tamaki looked up at him quickly, standing from his seat.

 “Where is Kaoru?” He demanded in a tone much harsher than he intended. Lucky for him, Kyoya just brushed it off.

 “He's in a room upstairs. Come on, follow me.” Kyoya spoke as the other hosts rose up from their seats. He turned and started toward the elevator, his friends in tow. “Oh, and Tamaki?” 

 “Yes?”

 “You might wanna loosen up. Kaoru doesn't need you being a ball of stress right now. And fix your tie.”

 Tamaki felt his eyebrows raise as he lowered his head to look at his tie, which he had long since forgotten he had been wearing. All of them were still dressed up in school uniform except Haruhi, who had the luxury of changing back at her house while they had gathered funds. The rest of them looked ridiculous, their suits disheveled and messy, their shoes scuffed from running in the dust and dirt, faces sunken and large bags hanging around their eyes, though Haruhi was no exception to the last few. 

 Tamaki looked up to Kyoya’s calmness, or at the least his appearance of calmness. Somehow, his friend seemed no different than he would be in any other situation, no matter how he felt inside. Tamaki envied that, because he hated the looks of pity people kept shooting at him. He didn’t need their pity, he wasn’t the one who lost a brother today. Not in the same way as Kaoru had, at the least. Their sympathy should be directed to him. Not Tamaki. He caught the inside of his lip between his teeth and chewed on it gently. 

 The silence in the elevator was suffocating, both figuratively and literally. 

_ Who are we to know what that would feel like?  _ Tamaki reminded himself.  _ That’s Kaoru. He’s the one who knows what it feels like to be running out of oxygen.  _ He chided himself for the thought and pushed it out of his mind, trying to accept the silence as a comfort rather than a foe. 

 In his defence, his brain offered, he was used to the bustle of energy that usually radiated around him and his friend and their guests. He reminded himself that things were different now. Perhaps they would never be the same. 

 They arrived on the fourth floor with no stops slowing their accent, and piled out of the elevator without a word between them. Kyoya took the lead, his eyes scanning the hanging signs and the arrows adorning them, as well as numbers. He lead them down the left road of the pitchfork and the other hosts follow blindly. 

 Eventually they came to a room with a placard on the door read 114B, the name Kaoru Hitachiin written on paper in scratchy lettering and then pasted below it. Kyoya raised his hand and hesitated only a moment, one so short that no one even noticed, before knocking on the door gently. Static filled his ears as he waited.

 In a quiet reply, not much louder than a peep, Kaoru called out that they could come in. 

 Regardless that he already knew of their presence, Kyoya opened the door slowly as not to startle Kaoru, but he couldn’t stop Honey from pushing through, Mori in tow. Kyoya and Tamaki entered, followed by Haruhi who closed the door behind them.

 The room was small, and the walls were stark white, the lights almost too dim for comfort, but their fluorescents still made a quiet hum under the other noise of the room. There was a window on one of the walls with its blinds closed, curtains shut on top of that. The floor was tiled in checkers, blue and white, and there was a distinct smell of cleaner than threatened to give Kyoya a headache. There was a sink in the corner of the room, a counter hanging over it, and he could assume that's where the chemical smell originated from, other than the constant cleaning the must take place in a hospital like this. 

 Kaoru looked small sitting in the huge bed of the room, his face pale as the sheets that covered his legs. He was changed out of his school uniform, the bloodied clothing having been replaced by soft, blue clothes that hung on him loosely. Clear plastic tubing wrapped around his face and situated right under his nose, give him more oxygen to breath in an attempt to make up for his earlier deprivation. There were a few bottles of water sitting by his bedside, one already emptied and another cracked open, as he had been saving all the water for his injured brother when they were below ground. His now dead brother.

 His breathing was a little shallow and his eyes were glassy. He seemed tired, his eyelids hanging about half closed and tear tracks only staining his cheeks a little bit. He looked exhausted, ready to fall asleep. He probably was.

 “How are you doing?” Kyoya ask, wandering over to the bed that Kaoru was sunken into. His eyes slid over to him and he didn't say anything for long moment.

 “I'm okay,” he said somewhat quietly. “The nurse said I shouldn't have any medical problems.”

 “That's good.” Haruhi walked over to his bedside as well, eyes sticking to a case of flowers resting on his bedside near the bottles. 

 Tamaki noticed there was still a decent amount of dried blood and dust coating Kaoru’s arms and his face, which he supposed made sense, he hadn't been at the hospital long and the nurses probably had emergency cases to get to. On the radio on their way he had heard news of a four car collision not too far away. Still, it upset him to see his friend neglected like this.

 Kaoru pushed himself off the pillow that held him up and grabbed the water bottle from his bedside and took a large drink. He then lowered himself back into the pillows, adjusting himself so that he was sitting up straighter than he had been before. Tamaki couldn't help but notice purple patches of skin peeking out from under the dirt and dried blood on his arms and _God_ , what happened to his friend?

 They're all gathered around Kaoru, eyes boring into him and it would make him uncomfortable if he weren’t so tired. He felt someone's hand wrap around his own and he couldn't be bothered to look to see who, but he could tell by the person's soft hands that it had to be Tamaki because everyone else had some sort of calluses, or had the world's driest hands, _Kyoya_. He felt the tightness increase involuntarily, or at least he assumed it was involuntary. 

 He shut his eyes for a moment, half tempted to let himself slip off into unconsciousness, but his friends were there for him and he wouldn't leave them. So he opened his eyes again and sighed, taking in a deep breath afterward.

 He felt the bed shift underneath him, lowering on one side and before he could turn his head to see why he already knew.

 "Kao-chan?” Honey’s voice met his ears, _God had it been so long since he's heard his voice_ , and he nodded to him.

 “It's good to see that you're okay,” Honey said, curling up beside Kaoru calmly. And Kaoru just nodded as he felt his friends warmth soak into his side. And he wasn't alone- he was never alone. Not underground, and certainly not now. 

 “Yeah,” he whispered as his friends found seats around the room, some closer than others. 

 “Yeah.”

 

/////

 

It wasn't long before Kaoru fell asleep, Honey sitting on the bed beside him. Mori sat in a chair near Honey, and Tamaki and Kyoya were sitting in seats at a table in the opposite end of the room near the sink. Haruhi was cross legged on the floor by Kaoru’s bed, at one point having to push his hand back onto the bed when it fell over the side and onto her head. 

 The quiet was comfortable, just the humming of florescent lights and the gentle wheezing out the oxygen tube filling the air, outside of their breathing. But it was comfortable. They were all holding themselves together, for Kaoru, they told themselves. That was technically the truth.

 Eventually, there was a loud knock at the door and Kyoya’s eyes snapped to it faster than anyone else's. He rose up from his seat and walked toward the door, pulling it open slowly and placing a finger to his lip before he even realizes that he was shushing police officers. One of them eyeballed him before looking to Kaoru and seeing him fast asleep. The officer made eye contact with the other and they had a conversation there.

 The first officer was a woman with short blonde hair and green eyes, dark bags hanging under her eyes like hammocks and her shoulders broad. The other was a man, his face sharp and coated in stubble, cheekbones sunken, and his eyes so dark they could be black. The man took the lead much to what looked like the woman's discontent, but she dismissed it quickly.

 “We have to speak to him soon,” he said. “Take his account of what happened. Take some samples from him, you know the drill.” The officer waved his hand around gently. “We’re looking for someone to take the case- we’ve got our hands full here. But we still have to take record of everything- the evidence he's got on him could be crucial.”

 “You're really going to put him through all that now?” Tamaki stood from his seat quickly, a scraping sound coming from it as he pushed it across of the floor his voice raising. “He just lost his _brother_. He doesn't need you bothering him-”

 “Tamaki,” Haruhi spoke in a sharp whisper and he whipped his head to face her. “Quiet. We don’t wanna wake up Kaoru.”

 “We have to talk to him as soon as possible,” The female officer stated, crossing her arms over her flat chest. “Witness testimonies are already shaking at best, and the more time that passes the less reliable it will be. Plus, we are going to have to have someone take samples from him. DNA evidence has an expiration date and we don’t want any evidence to time out.” The male officer nodded in agreement.

 “Still, let's not wake him up,” Kyoya said quietly. “He deserves all the rest he can get, after all of this.  Give me your number and I’ll call you when he is up. You can ask him questions then. I didn’t catch either of your names, by the way.”

 The male officer introduced himself as Arata Nagano, and his partner as Mikasi Tottori . He put out a hand Kyoya shook it gently. Officer Nagano wrote out his number on a small piece of paper and handed it to Kyoya, then gestured to his partner for them to leave. She approached the door and opened it, holding it for her partner to slip out and then closing the door behind him.

 “Excuse me, but what are you-”

 “Listen,” She interrupted Kyoya, her head turning quickly from the now closed door to his face. She seemed incredibly short next to him, but her eyes were piercing. “He won’t listen to me. My partner, he doesn’t listen to half the things I say but.” She cut herself off and then pursed her lips, a second later letting out a heavy sigh.

 “I wanna give you my phone number. To keep you in the loop. The news is gonna be all over this one- they already are. I won’t tell them anything that you don’t want me to.” She found a notepad and tore off a piece of paper, taking the pen from Kyoya’s hand a scribbling her number onto it quickly. “I’m not sure we’ll be able to find whoever did this, but we’ll try.” 

 She smiled up at him and then turned to face the door, grabbing onto the handle and turning over her shoulder before she pushed it open.

 “I promise, we will.”

 And then, she was gone. Haruhi watched as she left, awestruck. 

 “That was-” 

“Odd.” Kyoya cut her off. “Most definitely, odd.”

 

////// 

 

Kaoru woke up about an hour or so later, eyes fluttering into alertness hesitantly and he winces and the bright lights of the room- even though they had been dimmed to his request. Suddenly, the reality all came at him at once as his mind tried to make sense of it-

  _He was not underground. He was not underground. He was not underground and-_

  _He was not underground and his brother was dead._

 He wanted to stand up but he couldn't- his muscles were cramped and- and he trapped under sheets. White sheets- _white sheets- white like ghosts- ghosts like his brother._

 He was gagging and trying to push himself out of the bed before he could comprehend what was happening. There were suddenly hands- so many hands- on his arms and his shoulders and all over him and he wanted them _off._

 There was too much white and too much touching and it's all too much- _where is he?_

 Suddenly it was dark and the air- there was no air- it was stuffy and impossible to breath and he felt tears in his eyes and he saw his brother, his poor, poor brother. There was blood soaking his brother's’ legs and sweat coating his face and drowning him- and red was dripping down from his hands and he knew- he knew where is came from and that only made it _worse._ And someone was _screaming his name from thousands of light years away and his head was pounding-_

 He felt the hands move away- and a light drew him from the darkness, a bright white flash light shining right in his eye. Air entered his lungs and he felt like he could take it in. There was a nurse standing in front of him, one he recognized from earlier, and his friends somewhere behind her. She told him to take a deep breath and made a gesture wish her hand, Kaoru could only obey.

 She stayed with him, reminding him to breath for a few minutes as his heart rate slowed to normal. After a while, he shut his eyes and let out a sigh as she moved back.

 “You alright?” She asked quickly and Kaoru nodded in response. She smiled at him and then stood up, turning to address the other hosts.

 “Just a panic attack, nothing to be overly concerned about,” She told them. “We figured he might have them, maybe ptsd or something of the likes. It's too be expected. Just try not to startle him, he should be fine. Thank you for alerting us.” 

 Kyoya nodded to her and she left the room. He watched her shut the door and let out a heavy breath he hadn't realized he'd be keeping in his lungs.

 “Are you alright?” Tamaki felt bad for asking the same question the nurse had, but didn't know what else he could possibly say. Kaoru nodded. 

 “I-I’m okay. I just…” His head was still pounding and he couldn't put it into words.

 “You don't have to justify yourself,” Haruhi said, looking at him with a look somewhere close to pity in his eyes. She took one of his shaking hands into her own and squeezed it gently. 

 He was silent for a minute, eyes flickering between his friends. They all looked so concerned, and he hated to be the cause of it. He wanted to go home and rest. He wanted somewhere familiar, somewhere that didn't feel so different from his normal life.

 The air in the hospital still felt stiff and humid, and he hated it. He just wanted to go home. At the very least…

 Kaoru let go of Haruhi’s hand and sat up slowly, then swung his feet out from under the sheets. The floor was cold against his bare toes, and he looked over the blue clothes that adorned his legs. His hands gripped at the fabric and he noticed that they were still covered in- in dirt. And in dried blood..

 Suddenly the humid air felt so much thicker and he wasn't sure if he could breath it, and that got so much worse when he yanked the oxygen mask away from his nose. He stood and walked toward the window, a short noise of protest coming out of Haruhi mouth as he stood and Kyoya quickly demanding to know what he was doing. 

 He didn't reply, only pulled the cord to raise the blinds and then placed his hands at the bottom of the pane, pushing it upwards gently. 

 Light poured into the room and he squinted at it, trying to breath in the fresh air but the sensation felt strange and he wound up coughing instead. A hand on his shoulder shocked him and he turned quickly, almost slamming into Haruhi.

 “You know,” She said calmly, “If you wanted us to open it, you could’ve just asked. We are here to help you.”

 “Yeah,” He replied, his voice quiet. “Yeah- it’s just.. Okay.”

 He started back towards his bed and she followed him. He sat down and Haruhi stood near him, Honey sitting down next to him on the bed. Kyoya hands his phone in his hands, his face straight and Kaoru looked up to him as he opened his mouth to talk.

 “I’m going to call the police officers, they asked us to call them when you woke up. They have to take your account of everything that happened for testimony, as well as get you cleaned up after they take some samples. That alright with you?” Kyoya worded it like a question, but Kaoru knew that he didn’t have much of a say in the matter. Instead, he posed his own question. 

 “Was it ransom? Did they kidnap me and,” His voice broke off and he felt a lump start to grow in his throat. He ignored it. “Were we kidnapped for ransom? How much?”

 “Kaoru, it really isn’t important. What matters is that you’re safe. It doesn’t matter how much that cost.”

 “ _Yes._ It does.” The lump got bigger and it started to hurt. 

 “No, Kaoru. It doesn’t. You are _safe._ Don’t devalue that with a pricetag.”

 “Kyoya, please-”

 “ _Drop it._ I’m going to make a phone call.” 

 With that, he turned and walked into the hallway, shutting the door behind him. Tamaki sighed, looking at Kaoru with pity and sadness in his eyes.

 “Four hundred million yen.”

 “What?” Kaoru turned his head from the door to face Tamaki, his hands tensing on the fabric of his pants.

 “Four hundred million yen. The ransom,” Tamaki sighed and shut his eyes. “It was four hundred million yen. Or somewhere around there.”

 He saw Kaoru’s face pale, the shock of it washing over him and then phasing into confusion. 

 “How did my mom get that much together so fast? We- I was only underground for twelve hours- give a little. How.. How the hell did she pull that off?” 

 “We helped, because we care about you. And you’re safe now, you’re here now.”

 “No,” The first one was shaky, and then he repeated stronger. “No. You shouldn’t- you shouldn’t’ve spent that much on getting me out-”

 “You guys-” Haruhi realized her mistake as soon as she made it and Kaoru cut her off. 

 “My brother is _dead_. I should-” Kaoru snapped suddenly, the last words sticking to the back of his throat and making him sick. He was breathing heavily and he wanted to finish the sentence. He couldn't make the words come out. But he knew the truth- he should've died down their with his brother.

 “Kaoru..” Haruhi said quietly, her face grim. She noticed his hands, squeezing the bed into oblivion and his shoulders hunched over. His jaw was clenched tightly and he was practically wheezing.

“How… How am I supposed to…” A sob broke through his throat and his hands moved to his face, which was growing blotchy and red.

“Kao-chan,” Honey mumbled, scooching closer to Kaoru and looking up to his covered face. “It's gonna be okay.” 

He didn't say anything else, just leaned himself into Kaoru’s side and shifted his eyes to the ground. Honey let Kaoru shift into him, his sobs shaking his entire body and his posture only worsening. 

The room was quiet except the one sound, Haruhi moving from her standing post and sitting on the opposite side of Kaoru, placing a hand on his back and rubbing circles into it. Tamaki sat next to her soon after, and Mori next to Honey. Haruhi let tears pool in her eyes and she saw Tamaki do the same, stopping any of them from dripping down his face by scrubbing them away with his sleeve. Mori was silent, and Honey was too. 

They stayed there until Kyoya came back in the room with the police officers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to god I'm gonna try to update more often. I've just been super busy. I though about posting this chapter as two separate parts but I decided to just post it as one. I hope you all are enjoy this story!  
> Reminder about my tumblr- EducationalAdmiral. I'd love to get more feedback from you guys.  
> Thank you so much for reading!


	8. A Sea Chanty of Sorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And if you love, well that should be enough  
> Instead it turns your joy into sorrow  
> And I can't breath, with the dust of retreat  
> I'm choking on the fumes of my wayward back."  
> A Sea Chanty of Sorts- Margot and the Nuclear So & So's

[A Sea Chanty of Sorts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eqfiu1FJMaA)

Kyoya opened the door without knocking, officers following him in. His companions all turned their heads, but Kaoru kept his eyes downcast.

“We’ll need you all to leave the room while we interrogate him,” the male officer said. “Kaoru,” he spoke, his voice growing closer with slow and heavy footsteps. “Whenever you're ready, we can begin.”

With the man standing directly in front of him then, he had no choice but to look up. He felt Haruhi’s hand on his back tense, putting more pressure on him. He felt eyes on him, a lot of eyes, and if he weren't so tired he might feel uncomfortable. He nodded slowly, eyes still warm and wet. He felt Haruhi move to stand, Tamaki too. Mori’s weight left his side and, somewhat hesitantly, Honey’s did too. He scratched absently at one of his arms, listening as his friends left in silence. Before he heard the door close he heard someone stop. He could imagine their mouth opening and closing, whatever they had thought to say dismissed. The door shut heavily behind them.

The male officer frowned down at Kaoru, arms crossed over his chest.

“My name is Arata Nagota, this is my partner Mikasi Tottori. We need to ask you some questions about what happened to you and your brother.” His voice was blunt. Kaoru felt a lump start to form in the back of his throat as he nodded slowly.

“Do you wanna come sit at the table? If you’d rather stay in your bed, that’s fine.” Kaoru noticed that her voice was gentle. She looked at him with sorrow and pity and he wasn’t sure how to feel about that look. He was seeing it in a lot of people’s eyes, and he wasn’t sure that he appreciated it. Regardless, he stood slowly from his bed and moved across the room to the table, Officer Nagota doing the same.

He pulled out his chair, making an awful scraping noise as he dragged it across the floor. He sat down and looked down at the things scattered in front of him. There were a couple pens and sheets of paper, some of them having a couple words scrawled on them but most completely empty. There were cotton swabs and plastic baggies, ready to collect samples. He remembered all the dirt and dried body on his arms- how could he have forgotten? His fingers were practically coated in blood from touching his brother- trying to save him. God only knows what use that did- it didn’t save his brother, that was for certain.  
There were photos on the table too, of objects he recognized from the car, and some he didn’t. There were a couple pages of printed out text, cluttered together in huge walls of words that he knew he wouldn’t he able to focus on if they were presented to him. There were photos of himself and his brother, mirror images of each other- he tore his eyes away from them and focused on the others. There were pictures of strangers laid out in front of him, most of them older than himself. _Suspects?_ He wondered.

One of them caught his eye- a picture of a man coated in dust with a huge gash on his leg, coated in blood. The photo next to it was of him, again, but clean and in a lab of sorts. Kaoru wasn’t sure he understood any of it. Luckily, the officer asked him a question before he could make a fool of himself.

“The photos of the people in front of you,” She said, scooting some of them closer with her short fingers. “They’re all the other known victims of the Gravedigger- the person that kidnapped you and your brother. Do you recognize any of them?”

She watched his eyes scan over the photos, watched his adam’s apple bob in his throat and him bite on the inside of his lip gently. He shook his head and mumbled no simultaneously. She frowned a nodded at his response, keeping her eyes on Kaoru as Officer Nagota pulled out a seat and sat next to her.

“These ones,” Nagota spoke, moving his index finger over a few of the photos, skipping over others, “Are the ones that lived. They payed the ransom- just like your family did.”

“The others?” Kaoru asked, keeping his eyes on the dust covered man with wounds that remind them of his brothers.

“Some of them were never found,” He said, dragging some of the photographs back towards himself. “But we assume they are long dead, and some of them were found, but not in time.”

“Oh,” Kaoru looked away from the one photo and to the ones he had dragged towards himself and frowned. In his mind's eye he could picture one of the photos of himself and his brother being torn in half- Nagota keeping his brother dead in his grips, and seeing himself put with those still alive, undeservingly. He swallowed again.

“We are going to find who did this,” Officer Tottori said quickly. “We’ll make ‘em pay. Before they can hurt anyone else.” Officer Nagota glared at her, shooting daggers at her with his eyes.  
“We can try to find whoever did this,” he corrected sourly. “But, unfortunately, we cannot promise anything. The Gravedigger’s M.O. keeps him safe, he’s been active for decades now, and know one has been able to catch him. Don’t get your hopes up.”

An uncomfortable silence settled over the room and Kaoru’s eyes stung as he fought against bursting into tears again, but he was determined to contain himself. Now it was Officer Tottori’s turn to shoot daggers into her partner. Their working dynamic was not helping Kaoru feel comfortable in the slightest.

“Let’s just get this over with,” Kaoru practically hissed. “You must have something to actually ask me. If not, you can leave.”

“Is it alright if I take some samples from you? That’s why they haven’t let you wash yet, because we need to take some samples from the dried blood on your arms. Maybe from under your nails, that sort of thing. They already took the clothes you were in.”

Kaoru nodded and Officer Tottori started to grabbed some of the cotton swabs. She moved around him, taking what she could from him and putting it away securely in the evidence bags. Kaoru was able to catch a glimpse of the time off her watch- it was around three in the afternoon. He was exhausted.

“So,” Officer Nagota began, grabbing both of their attention. “What do you remember of your kidnapping?”

“Could you be a little more specific?” Kaoru asked as the female officer resumed the tedious process of gathering evidence.

“Do you remember what the car looked like, where you were taking from? Anything about the car that was significant? Anything your brother said before he died- before he passed away?” He only reworded his comment due to a look from his partner. “Maybe you remember the kidnapper?”

“I-I don’t know. My brother,” Kaoru swallowed roughly, the lump in his throat reappearing just as he thought it had gone away. “He was in a lot of pain. I gave him some advil that we found in the glove box.. The car had the steering wheel on the left side, I thought that was kinda weird.. There was a book in the glove box too- it was in English so I couldn’t read it. And the water bottle- it was in English too, measured in ounces..” He his voice trailed off as he tried to put himself back in the car, but his mind refused. He was afraid.

“Your brother was in pain?” When Tottori spoke she was almost uncomfortable close to him, one of her hands on the back of his neck, and he heard a camera shutter.

“Yeah. His legs were torn up awfully.. I- I have no idea what happened to him. His mind was scrambled when he woke up- he didn’t know either.. He- he was bleeding… Really badly.. And sweating a lot…” Kaoru sniffled, trying to describe what had happened best he could but unable to since half the words got stuck in his throat or the roof of his mouth.

Officer Nagota took some notes as he spoke, but not many. Kaoru figured a lot of this was information he already knew- but maybe he was trying to reach at something deeper. He nodded contently at his notes, his eyes moving from the paper to Kaoru again.

“Did you know you were buried alive?”

“I mean, I figured it out.. Soon enough I guess. There.. Wasn't really an explanation for us being in a car, underground nonetheless, other than that we got buried. I mean, I'd heard of it before. I just… Never imagined that I’d be there.”

“Had you heard of the kidnapper before? The Gravedigger?”

“No, I don't think so.”

Officer Nagota grunted in reply, then was silent for a moment. “Your family is rich, right? Hitachiin is a pretty famous name around here- he'd be right to assume you'd have no problem raising a ransom?”

“I… Know why he'd think that. But twelve hours…”

“You know how much the ransom was?”

“Yeah- four hundred million something? No one could get that kind of money together in that much time…”

“But somehow your friends did. You know how they did that?”

“No.. But I mean, all my friends are rich. That just how to school is- Haruhi excluded. So I imagine they all helped out.”

Nagota nodded again.

“So- do you remember where you were when you got kidnapped? You were at your school, correct?”

“Uh- yeah. I had- I had just gotten in an argument with one of my friends and I was going to cool off- blow off some steam I guess. Hikaru must've followed me out.. I was trying to catch my breath and…” He knit his eyebrows together, trying to make sense of his broken and blended memory. “I was standing by one of the cars- kinda leaning on it and I was looking at my reflection on the glass. I saw someone start to come up behind me and-”

“Wait. You said you saw someone behind you?” Officer Tottori interrupted, eyes wide.

“Yeah. My memory kinda goes out there. It's all pretty blurry after that so-”

“Do you see what he looked like?”

“Uh- kinda. Ginger hair- kinda long. It was a woman.” He mumbled, brows scrunched up as he looked for the memory.

“A woman?”

“Yeah. I'd recognize them if I saw them.”

“Interesting,” Officer Nagota mumbled, writing that down and then highlighting it. “Very good.”

 

/////

 

Kaoru was dismissed from the hospital after the officers finished interrogating him. He was thankful for that, we was both mentally and physically exhausted, and Officer Tottori’s picking and prodding and sampling was really starting to bother him.

His mother showed up in his hospital room, hands clasped together and eyes puffy and red. There was a car outside waiting for them. She brought him a change of clothes so he wouldn't have to leave in the blue gown and pants the hospital had provided, despite the fact that he hadn't showered off all the dirt and blood. He would once he finally got home.

He was overwhelmed by the amount of press outside. Their flashing lights and big van sand trucks with their labels written boldly on the side, dozens of people crowding him and his mother, asking questions that he couldn't will himself answer. His mother kept her face to the ground, not even acknowledging them. Kaoru tried to do the same. He flinched at each flash of light that came from their cameras, and each time an anchor said his or his brothers name, though the latter was worse.

The car ride home seemed long, and it was quiet. His head lolled to the side and rested against the door, his hands wrapped around his seatbelt. His mother didn’t say a word to him, only glanced carefully and hesitantly. He wondered for a moment if she was afraid of calling him the wrong name. It wouldn't have surprised him if she was.

Their house was swarmed with press just like the hospital had been. The fence around their house kept them secure, the gate only opening wide enough for their car and shutting once they were in. The lawn was just as Kaoru remembered it physically, green and long, flowers growing in beds by the doors and shaped bushes. But it felt different. The shaped bushes were stiffer than he remembered, the flowers duller.

The house seemed cold and uninviting, the doors too grand and the rooms too empty. His brother’s laughter usually filled the halls here, his own joining in. The absence made itself obvious. He crossed his arms, hugging himself, feeling tired and cold. Before he knew it, his mother had disappeared and he found himself wandering around aimlessly around the halls. He felt the eyes of their house workers and maids, all looking at him with pity and sadness. His feet lead him to the room him and his brother had shared and he found himself trapped in the doorway.

Tears cascaded down his cheeks before he felt his eyes start burning. He put a hand on the door frame, supporting himself, half feeling like collapsing and entirely feeling like throwing up. He stumbled through the doorway and moved to the dresser. There was an ancient picture of his brother and him sitting there, no older than ten. Their eyes were bright and Kaoru couldn't even tell which was which in it. He didn't remember the day, or the location. He just knew that they looked happy.

He wondered internally if he'd ever feel happy like that again. He picked the photo up and stared down at it, walking across the room and sitting down on the edge of the bed. He doubted he'd feel that way again, he doubted he'd feel that happy. He couldn’t- not without his brother. He should be dead, he should be dead with his brother.

He closed his eyes and sighed deeply, bringing one of his sleeves to scrub at his face. He dropped the photograph on the bed and turned away from it, taking in a shaky breath, and headed towards their- his bathroom.

He took off his clothes and set them on the counter, cold air swarming his body uncomfortably. He stepped into the shower quickly, turning the handle all the way to make the water as hot as possible. It hit his back harshly, burning, his feet stinging as the near boiling water pooled around his feet and ran into the drain. His mind disappeared into the water, brain feeling like it must be dripping from his ears and running away with the water. He scrubbed at his arms absentmindedly with a soapy loofah, watching the soap turned red and brown as the dried blood and dirt were pulled away from his skin. He scrubbed hard, his skin brightening past it's usually amount of redness and he ripped at it with the loofah. He melted into the water, and felt himself disappear down the drain too.

 

/////

 

“God,” Nagota muttered, flipping through files and photos on his desk. “I hate this case.”

“It's awful,” Tottori nodded in agreement. “The poor kid.”

Nagota let out a short sigh. “It's always the worst when it's kids.” He moved a few photos away from his view and back into the file. “I hate kids.”

“We can't work this case, Nagota,” She said, meeting his eye when he looked up from the file. “We don't have the resources-”

“Be quiet,” He said, writing something down on a piece of paper and then opening his desktop to his email to see if he had gotten any lab work back. “I'm getting a headache. Looks like this case is open somewhere else- the Gravediggers other victims are all Americans.”

Tottori nodded at him miserably and crossed her arms. “Which means, if we keep the case, which we shouldn't, we’ll have to mess with foreign affairs and having to transfer information all across the world- not to mention having to deal with translations-”

“What are you suggesting?” Nagota interrupted, clearly tired of her rambling.

“We hand all our information over to them. They're the best chance we’ve got in getting justice for Hikaru. We owe it to them.”

“We don't owe them anything, Tottori. You get too connected to these damn cases. You need to get used to not all of them having answers.”

“Maybe one day,” She said, moving to stand. “But certainly not today. I'm going to encourage them to give the case over to the Americans working the case.”

Nagota sighed and rubbed his temple as she left the room.

 

/////

 

The suds on his body had long since washed off, and the conditioner in his hair was ancient history. His knees were brought up to his chest, eyes shut, fingers pruny. It was his phone ringing that drug him out of the drain.

He hopped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his body quickly, flinching at the blurry version of his reflection in the mirror, somewhat distorted from the steam coating it. He grabbed his phone out from the pile of clothes in the counter and took it to his ear without looking at the caller.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Kaoru. It’s Mikasi Tottori.”

“Oh,” Kaoru mumbled, moving his phone from one ear to the other and squeezing at his hair with his towel. “What do you need?”

“Uh, well, I don't need anything, per say-” She cleared her throat hesitantly, then began to speak again. “I was talking to my partner, Nagota, about the case and we both aren't sure if we’ll be able to solve it.”

“It's- it's a little early to decide that, isn't it?” Kaoru throat suddenly felt tight again.

“I’m not saying we’re giving up. Well, I mean, we are. But- but not in the sense you think! See, the Grave Digger isn’t new at this game, Kaoru. He’s kidnapped tons of people before, so the case is already open. Just, not over here in Japan. All the other kidnappings, the ones we know of at least, took place in America. We need to turn over the evidence to the people working the case over there, make it easier to catch the _bastard_ \- er, sorry- the guy that did this. But we can't turn it over with your consent, as well as your parents.”

“Uh- I mean, it's fine with me, whatever will help this get solved. I'll talk with my parents about it later.”

“Okay. Thank you, Kaoru.”

She hung up and Kaoru set his phone back on the counter.

He sighed and looked at his clothes, his brothers clothes sometimes, and frowned.

 

/////

 

It wasn't hard to convince his mother to give the case over to the Americans, but the realization that he’d probably have to learn English to ease the communications was scary.

Realizing that, when time came, he’d have to fly across the world to testify, was scarier.

The scariest was that he didn't even have that long, the scientists wanted him over there as soon as physically possible.

Kaoru felt like he was going to be sick.

His missed a few weeks of school, the mourning to heavy to let him leave, tears staining his face and pillow more often than he’d like to admit. More often that he realized, probably.

The worst thing, he decided, was that the only person in his life who had ever known how to approach him, much less comfort him, was the person he was mourning. It was surreal for him, half the time he’d be crying over Hikaru and expect his brother to pat his shoulder sympathetically, or tell him to stop being a baby. Needless to say, his brother wasn't there to do either. That only ever made the sobs quake his body worse.

Kyoya called him a lot, they all called him a lot, but Kyoya’s calls were longest. Kyoya asked a lot of questions, like how Kaoru was doing, if he needed anything, when he thought he’d be back at school, how he felt about rejoining the host club, constant updates about how everyone was. Kyoya said everyone missed him. Kaoru missed Hikaru.

Tamaki stopped by the most, physically. He’d find a seat somewhere in Kaoru’s room and would just sit in silence, or talk out loud excitedly, even though he knew Kaoru wasn’t listening. Not always, anyway. Tamaki would talk about plans for the host club, tell him about silly things Haruhi had said or jokes that Kaoru didn’t always get.

Haruhi would facetime him, send him his homework or bring it to him and tell him what all he had missed that day at school. Thanks to Haruhi he wouldn’t be too far behind when he came back to school. Summer break was coming up anyway, so he’d probably just drop in for finals and let the rest of the work be what it was. He didn’t care about his grades all too much anyway, never had, but his apathy had only grown in response to losing his brother. He was still thankful for Haruhi though because, worst come to worst, he didn’t want to wind up repeating the grade just because he didn’t care enough to do the work. He was smart enough to keep up, so he’d really have no excuse.

Honey and Mori never came over to Kaoru’s house. Instead, they invited him over to one of theirs, or to go out and see a movie or something. Honey mentioned that he thought getting Kaoru out of the house would help him cheer up and Mori would nod. Kaoru noticed that Honey wasn’t acting much like a child anymore, or at least not as much as he used to. He still seemed childish and innocent, but there was a maturity and intellect that he was letting come through that he didn’t normally. He gave Kaoru lots of hugs, and often as he could. Kaoru liked the physical contact- he was becoming touch starved, he had been so used to sleeping in the same king sized bed as his brother, touching their hands together or leaning against one another's backs, hanging off each others shoulders. He usually tried to hold on to Honey’s hugs as long as he could, before he had to do something else. Mori usually just… looked at him kindly. Mori had never been expressive and didn’t really seem to know what to do in this situation, but Kaoru appreciated his efforts. He really, really did. He loved them all. A lot.

The funeral was two weeks after Hikaru’s death and the twins kidnapping. They had waited long enough, but they were hesitant to have the ceremony when the media was still buzzing, blaring the story in every outlet they could, posting pictures of the twins in the papers as often as they could get away with. But after three weeks the media had finally calmed down and moved to the next celebrity it was going to jump down the throat of.

They did it on the weekend so all the hosts could come, as well as lots of other people from the school. Teachers, students, friends, family. Everyone was there, in the chapel of the church. Men being a strong shoulder to cry on, women with tissues brushing at their own cheeks or offering up the tissues to their children. Kaoru was wearing a button up, sitting on the front row, trying desperately not to cry. He knew what he had to do, but he wasn’t looking forward to it.

The chapel was dim, the only strong light coming through tall stained glass windows. His mother was on stage speaking, holding her husband’s, Kaoru’s father's, hand for support. Her body was shaky, tears heavy. She was reading a poem, one Hikaru had been oddly fond of. It was called Cartoon Physics, part 1. Written by some American poet named Nick Flynn. Kaoru had no idea where Hikaru had found it, only knew that one day Hikaru had shown it to him. It had resonated with something deep inside him, he hadn’t known what then. He knew now though.

There was a picture of he and Kaoru at the front of the room sitting up on an easel for all to see. There didn’t seem to be any existing photos of Hikaru without him in it, aside their yearbook photos, and god knew those were never flattering. Kaoru wondered silently if people knew which one of them was which in that photo. He supposed they weren’t wrong either way though, both of them were dead. One death was just a little more literal than the other, but the difference wasn’t relevant. There were white flowers laid on a table behind his mother. They weren’t doing a burial, his brother’s remains had been sent overseas to those American scientists already, a journey Kaoru would have to take soon. Maybe they’d cremate Hikaru’s body later on, Kaoru didn’t know yet.

All he knew was what he'd have to do next.

And his mother was still reading that stupid poem.

_“Children under, say, ten, shouldn't know that the universe is ever-expanding, inexorably pushing into the vacuum, galaxies swallowed by galaxies, whole solar systems collapsing, all of it acted out in silence.”_

Kaoru knew that his world was collapsing- had already collapsed without his brother. It'd only get worse.

_“At ten we are still learning the rules of cartoon animation, that if a man draws a door on a rock_  
_only he can pass through it._  
_Anyone else who tries will crash into the rock.”_

He was only just beginning to understand the world, one with people in it. Not just him and his brother. But now, his only comfort had been taken away. He didn't know how to live without his brother. He didn't deserve to live if Hikaru couldn't.

_“Ten-year-olds_  
_should stick with burning houses, car wrecks, ships going down—earthbound, tangible disasters, arenas where they can be heroes. You can run_  
_back into a burning house, sinking ships have lifeboats, the trucks will come with their ladders, if you jump you will be saved.”_

He wished he could turn back the clock. Do something to save his brother. He wished he hadn't run, hadn't gotten in that stupid argument with Tamaki. He wished he had been stronger. He wished he had been the one that died.

_“A child places her hand on the roof of a school bus, & drives across a city of sand. She knows the exact spot it will skid, at which point the bridge will give, who will swim to safety & who will be pulled under by sharks. She will learn that if a man runs off the edge of a cliff_  
_he will not fall until he notices his mistake.”_

Kaoru felt his breath hitch in his throat. This wasn't easy, none of this would ever be easy- it had never been easy. But he knew that, for his brother, he could do it.

That stupid little poem- it was written about Kaoru. It had to have been.

He knew too much, was aware of too much. He knew his own little world like the back of his hand, he knew the hosts well enough to predict their every move and to create a game using them all as pawns for their own entertainment. He knew their fates too well. He knew his brother was inching away, getting ready to love Haruhi and take that big step and Kaoru had pushed him.

He had been so careful, so strategic. Helping his brother learn how to step away and how to handle that himself. Teasing with Haruhi and feeling out the limits on Tamaki, pushing the limit.

Kaoru had been a fool. And he'd just run right off the edge of the cliff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today marks the anniversary of the first chapter of The Dust of Retreat! It's crazy that I've been working on this story so long cause it really doesn't feel like I have been.
> 
> Unfortunately, I've no idea when the next update will be. I'm trying to be honest with you guys and I'm frankly just burnt out on this story. I know where it's going and everything, but it just doesn't feel like anyone cares about it all that much. I have no idea how many people are even reading it at this point.
> 
> I would really like to hear feedback from you guys. I'm just struggling to stay motivated right now. Help me decide if this story is worth finishing.
> 
> The poem that's referenced in this chapter is Cartoon Physics, Part 1 by Nick Flynn. He's one of my favorite poets! There is a sequel to the poem called, you guessed it, Cartoon Physics, Part 2. I recommend reading it!


	9. Jen is Bringin the Drugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And I don't wanna be found.  
> So when you get home,  
> I'm skipping town.  
> I'm leaving to go someplace  
> where nobody will have any clue where I am."  
> Jen is Bringin the Drugs- Margot and the Nuclear So & So's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on, dialogue that is italised is being said in English, as opposed to unitalised dialogue being in Japanese!

[Jen is Bringin the Drugs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjOVfl-ip34)

 

Kaoru was exhausted, both by the workload from missing so much school and the emotional distress that hid in the back of his mind.  At this point, he didn’t care about catching his kidnapper. He didn’t care. Getting revenge on the Gravedigger wouldn’t bring his brother back so… why even bother?

The work started to pile up and Kaoru only felt apathetic to it, turning his eyes away from the ever growing stack of papers on his desk. 

He hated eating, working. He hated breathing, only sustaining his own life out of cowardice. He hated seeing himself in the mirror, seeing his reflection, seeing as time passed and day by day he started to look different than his brother. He hated the looks of pity, hated the way people addressed him hesitantly like they were afraid to say the wrong name. Hated the news dying off his story, hated his brother’s voice no longer ringing in his ears. He hated sleeping alone in a bed that he should have been sharing with his brother.

He and his brother were meant to be together. Be it sleeping in a bed in their house or resting in a coffin six feet under. Either way, they should be  _ together _ . 

So why was he alive?

Kyoya helped him learn some basic English. Kaoru had no idea when Kyoya learned English, all he knew was that he was good at speaking it. Kyoya taught him the basics first, starting with colors and locations and keywords that he’d need, numbers and everything translating into what must have been the hardest thing Kaoru’s ever learned. He and Hikaru had chosen French as their foreign language, but that was nothing compared to English. 

When his flight came around, Kyoya insisted on going to America with him. A translator, he said. Kaoru didn't know if there was more to it from that. He supposed it didn't really matter. Tamaki insisted on coming too- something about observing Americans. Kaoru  _ knew _ there was more to it than that- but ultimately didn't care. Honey and Mori asked if Kaoru wanted them to come, to which he replied with a shrug, and they decided they wanted to come. Protection, they said. Haruhi said she was sad that she couldn’t come- she couldn't afford the trip- couldn't afford to miss the school. She said they’d better call whenever they arrived in America- let her know they were safe- and keep her updated. Kyoya nodded, saying they would. Kaoru knew that meant Kyoya would be taking the responsibility for doing so.

They all got first class tickets, but the plane still felt tiny. He had the whole host club on his side but… Kaoru still felt alone.

There was a hole in his stomach- a big empty cavern that threatened to cave in at any moment. His body felt numb and lost and the air was only cold- his feet don't connect with the ground when he stepped and his lungs didn’t feel the air come in or go out. He felt nothing, and that scared him. 

Kaoru was not a fan of airplanes, it turned out. The process of boarding was tedious at best, having to take off his shoes a dozen times over and having metal detectors waved over him, squealing at him quietly. Kyoya placed his glasses in the basket and watched Kaoru in front of him, stepping out of his shoes and dumping them in a blue basket as well. Security theatre, they all knew, and with Honey and Mori by their sides they really were as safe as they would get. (They hadn’t even bothered bringing any Ootori police force with them.)

Kyoya was concerned, his brain prone to overthinking. He didn’t like to travel- too many unknown variables. He didn’t like this whole situation- flying overseas, hoping that the scientists would be able to piece together enough evidence to apprehend someone for not only Kaoru’s sake, but the whole host clubs’. They were falling apart, and that would only get worse.

Before he even realized he had stepped through the metal detector and his carryon had been scanned and guard was nudging Kyoya forward, trying to break him out of his trance. Kyoya took his bag, put his glasses back on, and apologized greatly. Kaoru was staring at him blankly up ahead, and Tamaki, Mori and Honey looked confused too, but he didn't acknowledge them.

Instead, he stepped up next to Kaoru and shared a comfortable silence while they waited for the others to finish being checked. Then, Kyoya lead the way their planes’ gate.

They boarded the plane sometime later and then sat in their seats quietly. The plane was mainly empty- just a few tired looking business men and three or four people that hardly looked important. Tamaki and Kyoya had seats next to each other, Mori and Honey behind them, and Kaoru by himself in front. There were a few empty tables and what looked like a small bar filling the planes empty space. The flight was going to be a good twelve hours long, one stop on the way to refuel. Kyoya had a feeling that, at the end of it, they’d all be exhausted- not to mention the jetlag that they’d feel the effects of for months to come. 

Kyoya sighed and buried himself into his seat and listened only halfway as the fight attendant thanked them for joining them in flying and started to go through safety precautions. He heard a sniff in front of him, but chose to ignore it, and let sleep take him if it could.

Kaoru found out that not only was he not a fan of airport security, but of flight attendants as well. He hated her for being so cheery and fake. He hated her hazel eyes and red hair- hated her brilliant smile. Every part of her was like a ghost of Hikaru- not close enough to  _ be _ him but to have stolen every part of herself from him. 

He hated her for the safety precautions. She brought down the oxygen mask-  _ that sure brought back bad memories of the hospital- _ and spoke about how, if the plane were to crash, their seats doubled as flotation devices to save them from drowning.

He deserved to drown, a small part of Kaoru's brain whispered. Out of air- suffocating to death like he should've in that car. Then he could be with his brother.

He wondered silently where his brother was. Everyone always called them twin devils. He wondered if that meant they’d go to hell. Were they condemned? Were they meant to die?

Were they meant to die together?

He was suddenly aware of the soft burning in his eyes as tears formed slowly. He sniffed harshly and scrubbed at his eyes. Not here. Not now.

/////

The flight had long since boarded and they were soaring thousands of feet above sea level. Tamaki sat in silence, earbuds in and arms crossed. Kyoya was sitting beside him silently, nose in a little black book that Tamaki would probably never be interested in. Mori and Honey were sitting behind them with a movie playing in front of them, something animated, and talking quietly. Kaoru was in front of him, legs curled up in his seat next to his chest and picking at skin on his fingers and nail beds. There was a feeling deep inside his stomach- an uncomfortable pain that he couldn’t put a name to. Tamaki scratched at his arm absentmindedly and yanked out his headphones, twirling them around his phone and going to stand, climbing over Kyoya to the isle. Kyoya looked at him, but decided to say nothing. 

Tamaki walked over and sat next to Kaoru, who glanced over at him for only a second and then tucked his leg further up into his chair and bit on the skin of his index finger. Tamaki tried to think of something to say, but came up with nothing. He pulled his phone back out of his pocket and fiddled with it.

Kaoru glared at Tamaki, confused by his presence. A large part of Kaoru just wanted to tell him to leave him alone, _ to go to hell. _ But something deeper in him, probably more meaningful, wanted Tamaki to just sit there and say nothing. 

Kaoru and Hikaru had always been able to have entire conversations without saying anything, could sit in silence for hours without it being awkward. Kaoru was uncomfortable with too much conversation. Sometimes he just wanted to be with someone, just together, not with the forced small talk that people always tried to make with him. Especially now, when the small talk was worse than normal, people bouncing around conversations in an effort not to hurt or offend him. 

Eventually though, Tamaki forced himself to say something, breaking the silence that Kaoru was comfortable in but that was suffocating for Tamaki. 

“I’m sorry.” Was all Tamaki could think to say, keeping his eyes forward and ringing his hands together nervously. Kaoru slid his eyes to look at him, a feeling of itchy apathy making its way into his chest and threatening to break into something different.

Kaoru didn’t say anything, so Tamaki continued.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you that day. About Hikaru and Haruhi. I just,” Tamaki hesitated a moment. “I just felt jealous and I took that out on you both. You didn’t deserve that. Neither of you did.” 

Kaoru’s brows shifted into an emotion Tamaki couldn’t place so he just kept talking.   


“You’re right, I did cheat on that game. I couldn’t tell you apart- I just wanted to get to know you both so badly and.. I don’t know. I was probably gonna keep pestering you both until I got what I wanted. And I’m sorry for that- I should’ve respected you both. If you wanted to be left alone, I should’ve left you alone. So, I’m sorry-”

“No,” Kaoru said suddenly cutting Tamaki off.

“What?” Tamaki asked, and Kaoru looked him. 

“Don’t be sorry for cheating on that stupid game,” Kaoru elaborated, shifting his eyes back to the floor. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. We are- we were both glad to join the host club. I mean- not at first, but… Eventually. We never showed that I guess. We never said that to you.”

“Said what?” Tamaki asked, somewhat confused and Kaoru shifted his eyes to face Tamaki again.

“Thank you. For getting us to join the host club- for getting us out of our own little world.” Kaoru fiddled with his hands, keeping his eyes glued to them as he spoke. “Really, these few years.. They’ve been good- the best years Hikaru and I ever had. We don’t- we never wanted to be alone like we were it was just.. No one got us. They always wanted one of us- but never both- they never cared enough to know us enough to even tell us apart. We knew that. And.. It was frustrating. But we figured that we had each other, we didn’t  _ need  _ anyone else. That wasn’t true though. We were  _ hurting- _ both of us. If we hadn’t joined the host club..”

There was a silence, Kaoru’s eyes downcast and glassy, Tamaki’s mouth hanging slightly ajar. Kaoru opened his mouth and closed it, picking his words carefully. 

“I probably wouldn’t still be here. We’d probably have been gone a long time ago,” Kaoru’s frown deepened. “But we met you and- and the others and.. Things were  _ good _ . Things were  _ perfect.” _

Kaoru lets out a sharp, broken laugh that died quickly.

“I knew it wouldn’t last. Something was going to happen- something was gonna ruin it. But- I thought it wouldn’t be… This. I thought H-Hikaru would go off with Haruhi and leave me- or-or Honey and Mori would graduate and the host club wouldn’t survive that- or you’d move off with- with Claire. But-but I never thought.. I never thought I’d be without Hikaru- not like this. He- he shouldn’t.. I’m the one that’s supposed to get hurt- not him.  _ He shouldn’t- he- he shouldn’t be dead _ .”

Kaoru’s voice broke and his breath hitched- tears no longer staying trapped in his eyes and instead choosing to pour down his cheeks. He brought his sleeve up to his face and scrubbed at his reddening face. He clenched his teeth together-  _ why was he crying he needed to stop crying he needed to  _ **_stop-_ **

Tamaki’s hand was on his. Tamaki’s eyes were wet- just like Kaoru’s own. 

“It’s okay,” Tamaki mumbled. “It’s okay to cry. I-I didn’t know you felt that away. About the host club, I mean.” 

Tamaki sighed and withdrew his hand.

“I thought you and Hikaru only participated begrudgingly. But- I was still glad you were there. I wish I’d gotten to know you both better, sooner too. You both always seemed so.. Sad. Even when you were joking around- you just seemed sad. Like, at the end of the day, you thought that none of it mattered. I hope you know that’s not true,” Tamaki said, turning his head. “We care about you both. The host club wouldn’t’ve worked without you both.”

“It’s gonna have to learn to now,” Kaoru said sadly, folding his arms over his chest, taking one hand and wiping his still wet cheeks with it. 

“Does that mean you’re leaving the host club?” 

“I-I hadn’t really thought about it much honestly,” Kaoru mumbled. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Not about the host club- not about any of it, really.”

Tamaki nodded, smiling sadly.

“I planned my whole life with Hikaru in mind. What colleges we’d go to, what careers we’d enter, if we’d live in the same house, same city, same country. If we’d work together, if we’d stay in contact at all. And now none of it matters. I’ve got nothing.” 

Kaoru sniffed again and Tamaki placed a hand back on his shoulder.

“You’ve got us.”

Kaoru replied with a soft laugh and a pained smile.

“Thank you for that.” 

Tamaki knew that something died on Kaoru’s tongue, but he hoped it wasn’t what he thought it was. 

_ “Too bad that doesn’t mean anything.” _

Kaoru didn’t say anything else, and Tamaki took to the silence. 

/////

They arrived in America eventually, and the culture shock was immediate. They left the plane and were immediately surrounded by hoards of people, all of them tense and poised and Kaoru was only a little overwhelmed by it all.

It was weird to him- signs in a language that he couldn’t read all too well, people speaking in a language that he didn’t understand. Everything about it was uncomfortable- the people moving fast and talking loudly, glancing at him through the sides of their eyes and passing their judgements. It made him feel small.

His friends were by hs sides though, and he had to be grateful for that. 

“There should be people somewhere around he with a sign,” Kyoya said. “FBI Agents, I think. We’ll find them and then they’ll drive us to the Jeffersonian. That’s where the scientists are. I’ll do the talking for now, but you’ll have to talk to the scientists. Are you going to be up for that?”

Kaoru nodded and followed Kyoya took lead,  brushing through crowds of people and brushing past till he spotted a group of tall men in black suits, one of whom was holding a sign with “Hitachiin Kaoru” written on it in big, dark letters. They walked over and Kyoya greeted them in English. Kaoru hardly paid attention, figuring that Kyoya had it under control, till he realized one of them addressed them.

_ “Hey- Kaoru,” _ the man was saying, voice quiet yet study. The man was dressed up in a black suit and had matching dark hair, clear skin and a freshly shaven face, strong cheekbones. Kaoru’s eyes caught momentarily on the man's belt buckle- red and gold with a large chicken on it and the word cocky engraved under it. Kaoru hardly thought that could be appropriate- but dismissed it.  _ “My name’s Seeley Booth. I’ll be driving you too the lab, and then I’ll be around there helping out. The people working your case- they’ll solve it. Trust me, you’re in good hands. They’re the smartest people I know.” _ Booth paused for a moment, then smiled.  _ “If you tell them I said that though, I’ll deny it.” _

_ “Uh- o-okay,” _ Kaoru mumbled, knowing his English wasn’t the best. He had gotten to where he could understand it pretty well, but speaking it was another issue entirely. His thoughts couldn’t keep up with his mouth and he often found himself stumbling. The Agent nodded and stood up to his full height- Kaoru hadn’t even noticed he’d started crouching- and then turned on his heel to move to pick up everyone’s luggage.

/////

After dropping everything off at their hotel rooms, Booth loaded Kaoru back into his car, adding Kyoya somewhat reluctantly, and started toward the lab. The Jeffersonian, it was called. He promised they’d be safe, and then he drove in silence, though his hand drifted toward the ratio every once and awhile, only to drop it. 

Kaoru wasn’t about to tell the stranger with a gun by his pocket that he didn’t trust him.

The drove past a huge building with a green lawn and fountain in front and into a parking lot of the side. Kaoru fiddled with his hands while the car idled and then shut off all together, then followed the man through the garage beside his friend, hardly realizing that he’d been holding his breath half the walk without realizing it. 

Inside the building was too bright for comfort, heavy fluorescents and a sunlight coming from the glass ceiling. Glass doors parted to let them in once the man- Booth, his mind corrected- swiped a card. People rushed around the room, done up in blue lab coats and a few white ones, all of them glancing to him and Kyoya but never stopping. Every once and awhile someone would shout a,  _ “Hey, Booth!” _ to which the man would just nod and smile or give them a wave. There was a platform in the center of the room, three metal steps leading up to what seemed to be the main hub of activity. Up on the platform there were women and men crowded around a table- some of whom he recognized and some he didn’t. Agent Booth told him to stay where he was, alone, while he took Kyoya up to the platform. Kaoru didn’t question it. 

Booth made the executive decision to shield that poor kid from seeing his brother's corpse as long as he could. Something inside him ached for the kid, he didn’t know what. Kaoru wasn’t too old- but there was something dead in his eyes, something tortured. Part of it chilled Booth to the core. 

He took Kyoya and lead him the steps of the platform, greeting the others.

Kyoya took notes in his heads of everyone’s name as Booth greeted them.

Camille Saroyan. A slender, strong looking black woman with dark eyes and darker hair. She was the boss, he remembered reading. She was the head of the Forensic Division of the institution, and she looked like a leader.

Angela Montenegro. A women of asian descent with a beautiful smile. Her hair was longer than the others, but was tied back in a ponytail holder. She was an artist and a technician, both of which were important features of her personality. He could imagine people underestimating her. Frequently. 

Jack Hodgins. He was an interesting looking man- shorter than anyone else on the platform with curly brown hair and a full beard. Three doctorates- ones in entomology, botany, and geology/mineralogy. Known for his conspiracy theories. Another victim of the Gravedigger and sole heir to the Cantilever Group.  _ (A rich, rich, rich man.) _

And last, but most certainly not least, was Temperance Brennan, a women who carried herself with a strength and power that Kyoya almost found threatening. She had written novels and was practically a genius- she had solved dozens of crimes in mere days and done things thought impossible before. She was kidnapped by the Gravedigger too, but had never seemed as emotionally impacted by it as the man she was with- Jack Hodgins- had. Even if she was, she would never reveal such a weakness. Kyoya had the utmost respect for her. 

Temperance Brennan looked up from the corpse- god, Kyoya tried not to look at it- and drew together her eyebrows.

_ “He’s not Kaoru Hitachiin,” _ she said flatly.  _ “What is he doing here, Booth?” _

_ “Uh, he’s a friend. He said Kaoru’s English isn’t perfect, so he’s here to help translate for him. Plus, he’s a little more..” _ Booth didn’t know how to explain for himself so Kyoya interjected.

_ “I’m more prepared to face the more gruesome aspects of this than my friend is,” _ Kyoya said, still avoiding the corpses washed out features.  _ “My name is Kyoya Ootori. I’m just here to help. I respect your work greatly, Doctor Brennan. I’ve done my research. Though, I’ll just let you know, should you all do anything to upset my friend here,” _ he didn’t bother gesture to Kaoru, they knew who he meant,  _ “the forces at my fingertips are more than you could imagine.” _

_ “Is that a threat?” _ Booth asked.

_ “Only if you want it to be,” _ Kyoya replied. 

A silence fell over the platform till Brennan, just as socially oblivious as she’d been rumored to be, spoke up.

_ “Angela, I’d like you to do a sketch of the assailant.” _

_ “What?” _ Angela questioned.  _ “No one’s seen the Gravedigger- how am I supposed to-” _

_ “Our new friend says he has,” _ Doctor Saroyan interjected.  _ “Karou said he was able to see him before he tased him.”  _

_ “Oh,” _ Angela said, calmer now.  _ “Alright- I’ll take him to my office. If you need anything just knock. You can come with me if you want,” _ she said the Kyoya.  _ “Or stay up here with them. Either is fine.” _

_ “I’ll stay up here. Thank you, though.”  _ He watched as she nodded and started to walk down the steps of the platform after swiping her badge. It was then that he noticed a man, much too young looking to work in a place like this, speaking to Kaoru. He had black curly hair and wide eyes, blemishless skin.

_ “Who’s that?” _ Kyoya asked.

_ “Lance Sweets,” _ Booth replied.  _ “He’s a psychologist. Does a lot of profiling for us. He’ll probably try to help your friend out, talk him through some of it. I can’t imagine it’s easy.” _

_ “No,” _ Kyoya said, turning back to face Agent Booth.  _ “No, it is not.” _

/////

_ “I’d like to schedule an appointment- a therapy session, basically, _ ” Sweets spoke.  _ “Talking through trauma helps more than you would believe. There’ll be paperwork you’ll have to sign- patient confidentiality and such. Plus, it’ll help the court case when that comes along.” _

Kaoru nodded, though he was only halfway paying attention. Then a woman walked over and smiled down at him.

_ “Hi,”  _ she said, her voice sweet like honey.  _ “My name is Angela. I’m an artist. If you’re comfortable doing it right now, we can do a sketch of the person who attacked you. I was told you saw him- the Gravedigger?” _

_ “Her,” _ he corrected quietly.

_ “Wh- excuse me, what did you say?” _ Sweets asked quickly, voice shooting up.

_ “Her,” _ Kaoru repeated.  _ “It was a woman.” _

Sweets and Angela shared a glance, then Sweets said,  _ “I’ll go tell Booth,” _ and Angela nodded. Then, she lead him to her office. Kaoru liked the room, decidedly. Out of all the offices and rooms he’d seen through their glass doors, this one looked the most comfortable, the most lived in. There were pictures hung on the walls in frames and white canvases resting in a corner, others coated with layers of paint and sitting to dry on easels. The room smelt like vanilla and wax, honey coated happiness dripping from the candle on her desk. The walls were a dull color somewhere between beige and yellow, gentle and calm. He sat down on a red pillowy sofa she had resting close to one of the walls while she moved a soft looking chair and readied her paper and graphite pencils.

_ “How’d you manage to see her anyway?” _ She asked while she crossed her legs and adjusted the bottom of her dress.  _ “Even Brennan didn’t see her, and she’s got killer instincts.” _

_ “Uh, she was coming up behind me and had- uh- taser ready when Hikaru- my brother- came yelling and looking for me. He distracted her just long enough for me to turn around and see her.” _

Angela nodded, a sorry look coming to her features and Kaoru didn’t have the heart to resent her for it. 

_ “So, can you start with describing her face? Was it longer or shorter? Wide? Anything you can remember.” _

Kaoru had a feeling this was going to be a long day. 

/////

Kyoya couldn’t do it- he couldn’t stand by his friend's lifeless, cold body, pretending that it wasn’t bothering him. He couldn’t avert his eyes.

He took it all in- the blue coloration, dry lips, crusty blood painted onto his friends skin, purple bruises fading and black. And the scientists- they weren’t even bothered because they flirt with death on a daily basis- these twisted fuckers.

Kyoya had thought once that he was a jaded, broken, husk of person- hell, he’d had people say to his face that he was, but compared to these scientists… he was nothing. 

_ “Kyoya, that’s what you said your name was, right?”  _

He pulled his mind out of it’s haze, finding the scientist that had addressed him to be Camille Saroyan.

_ “That’s correct.” _

_ “We’ve found cause of death for the victim-” _ Brennan began, then Booth interrupted.

_ “For Hikaru.” _

While Brennan glared at him Doctor Saroyan began to speak again.

_ “He had compartment syndrome,”  _ She explained.  _ “It’s common among car crash victims. It happens when there’s a large amount of internal bleeding, leading to a pressure buildup, which, if untreated, leads to shock. Hikaru slipped into shock, which is what killed him.” _

Kyoya nodded, somehow catching the shortest scientists gaze. He looked sick, and was digging his thumb into the palm of his opposite hand.

_ “When Brennan and I were kidnapped by the Gravedigger,” _ Hodgins began to explain, realizing that Kyoya was curious,  _ “I got compartment syndrome. Pressure buildup in my leg. I only survived ‘cause she realized and cut me open to release the blood, which almost killed me too. There wasn’t anything Kaoru could’ve done.”  _

There was a brief silence, then Hodgins cursed under his breath.  _ “Dammit, I just wanna catch this son of a bitch before he can hurt anyone else.” _ Then, he sighed, and walked off the platform, a tray of samples in hand. 

Doctor Saroyan watched him leave, eyes sad, then sighed and looked back to her work.

_ “He didn’t take it well,”  _ She mumbled, and then didn’t say anything more.

_ “My friend isn’t either,”  _ Kyoya said, flipping through a file that Booth handed to him. _ “We all appreciate what you’re doing here, helping solve the case and everything. This will help him, a lot. Even if he doesn’t realize it yet.” _

The scientists nodded, and Kyoya swore he saw Brennan wipe her eye with her sleeve, but he decided not to mention it.

/////

_ “Her hair was red but.. Not like mine? Uh- more red. Mine’s more orange.” _

_ “What about the length?” _

Kaoru rose his hand to his collarbone.  _ “Shoulder length- a little longer. She had bangs- kinda. Flippy hair. Parted this way.” _ He made another gesture, this time at his hairline.

_ “Like this?” _ Angela held up the drawing after a few minutes and Kaoru looked over it.

_ “Her jaw was squarer.” _ he replied.  _ “Mouth a little shorter.” _

Angela nodded, bringing the pad back down and making a few changes, then holding it back up. “What about this?”

Kaoru’s heart froze for a second, jumping into his throat and choking him. For a second, he couldn’t breath, then it became a minute, and then there was a hand on his shoulder.

_ “Hey, hey, Kaoru. Kaoru.” _

The boyish face was distanced enough from Kaoru’s own for his own comfort, bright blue eyes greeting him calmly, kindly.

_ “It’s okay, it’s okay,” _ Sweets assured him.  _ “You can cry if you need to, it’s okay to cry. She can’t hurt you. We know who she is. We’ll get her- okay?” _

Kaoru curled in on himself, trying to make himself small, still feeling his heart pounding in his chest and bile trying to come into his throat. That was the woman- it looked  _ exactly _ like her. She was the one who did all this- who stuffed Kaoru and his brother into a car, never to be seen again. She was the one who had damaged his brother- the one who hurt him so badly that he died  _ he bled out all our Kaoru’s hands- pulse disappearing beneath his fingers and it was all her fault and- _

Kaoru didn’t even realize he’d been speaking aloud till he heard the man's voice again, Sweets voice saying, _ “Kaoru- Kaoru I can’t understand you. I don’t speak- shh, hey it’s okay. It’s okay- she won’t get away with hurting you. Please, Kaoru, try to breath- you’re hyperventilating.” _

Kaoru grounded himself, forcing the memories of his brothers body far out of mind, bringing himself back to the room he was in. A soft couch beneath him, pillows behind his arched back and carpet at his feet, soft lighting, delicately crafted paintings and, most importantly, safety. 

He was safe here.

He met his eyes to Sweets, forcing himself to breathe in synchrony with him. He took air in and then let it out, letting his hot face cool and not bothering to brush the warm tears that were dripping down his cheeks.

_ “Yeah- yeah that’s it. It’s okay. You’re safe. I promise, you’re safe. Okay?” _

Kaoru nodded, hiccuping as the man moved from his crouched position on the floor to next to Kaoru on the sofa. He moved his hand from Kaoru’s shoulder to his upper back, rubbing small circles into it gently. 

Kaoru felt like he could breathe again and carefully brought his sleeve up to his face to wipe away the remaining salty tears that stung in his eyes.

_ “I’ll take it the drawing was pretty spot on, huh?” _

Kaoru nodded.

_ “Yeah, I figured. Now that we know what she looks like we’ll be able to find her and have you identify her. She won’t get away with what she did to you.” _

_ “My brother..” _ Kaoru mumbled.

_ “To your brother, either. She’ll get what’s coming to her. Alright?” _

_ “Yeah,” _ Kaoru said, nodding his head again, his voice breaking.  _ “Thank you.” _

Sweets smiled and nodded, but didn’t move away. Kaoru silently noticed that Angela had disappeared, but didn’t mention. For now, he needed the comfort, the ability to breath.

Finally, something was going right.

/////

_ “Guys! Guys,” _ Angela shouted as she ran onto the platform, practically shoving Kyoya out of the way and she made her way to the other scientists. 

_ “I just finished the sketch I did with Kaoru’s description and…”  _ Her voice trailed off and she held the paper up to her chest, then flipped it so everyone else could see.

_ “That’s-” _ Doctor Saroyan started, Booth interrupting her with,  _ “Heather Taffet,” _ in perhaps the most tense voice Kyoya had ever heard.

_ “Heather Taffet?” _ Kyoya questioned.  _ “Pardon my asking- but who is that?” _

_ “She’s the goddamn attorney  on the Gravedigger case,”  _ Booth grumbled.  _ “Damnit- she must’ve gotten ahold of the case so that should could control her own prosecution.” _

_ “Hodgins is gonna blow a fuse,” _ Angela said tensely.  _ “He might kill her.” _

_ “No, no,” _ Saroyan interrupted. _ “We’ll take her down and we’ll do it right, we’ve just gotta find some undeniable evidence.” _

_ “Would Kaoru identifying her in a lineup not be good enough?” _

_ “It’s a good start,” _ Brennan said.  _ “However, in a case like this, the evidence has to be perfect. If it’s not solid, the judge will laugh us out of the courtroom.” _

_ “I’ll call Caroline to have her turn this over to the judge,” _ Booth said, pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket.  _ “Once she gets a warrant we can start collecting suspects for the lineup- including Taffet.” _

_ “Caroline?” _ Kyoya asked, beginning to feel annoyed by how out of the loop he seemed to be.

_ “Caroline Julian,” _ Brennan explained.  _ “She’s a prosecutor.” _

_ “Best one we know,” _ Angela added. 

Kyoya nodded, mumbling,  _ “Good.” _

/////

“Do you think they’re doing alright?” Tamaki said aloud, the silence of the hotel room making his skin crawl.

Mori shrugged his shoulder and Honey sighed, eyes downcast as he kicked his legs back and forth, his feet only just missing the ground.

Tamaki frowned, crossing his arms and trying to focus on the American cooking show playing on the television in front of him. The hotel room wasn’t exactly small, but it wasn’t large either. It was a little cramped- two beds in one room and a fold-out sofa in the other, a television hung on the wall opposite. There was a kitchen too- though Tamaki was unsure if he’d be able to stomach anything with the anticipation growing in his gut. He couldn’t take the radio silence- the lack of information- the lack of ability to do anything, change anything. He felt useless- out of touch.

The same way he’d felt when he’d picked up the Gravedigger’s phone call. 

Still, he calmed himself and focused on the voice of Ted Allen as he read off basket ingredients in a different language.  _ (Kyoya had taught they all as much as he could in the time they were given and they were all decent learners.)   _

He needed to ground himself so he could help- maybe he could actually do something. His friends were hurting, and he needed to help them.

The sun was getting low- but he wasn’t tired yet. The jetlag was going to be a nightmare, but he’d adjust soon enough. 

His phone buzzed and, despite the way his heart seemed to freeze in his chest for an instant, he pulled it from his jacket pocket, Haruhi’s number flashing on his screen with a request to facetime. He pressed a green button to accept.

“Hey,” He said.

“Hey,” She replied, and Tamaki felt his heart thaw with her voice. It’d only been a day and he already missed her. There was sun shining through her window, and only shadow coming from Tamaki’s own. The disconnect felt strange.

“How’s everyone doing? Is Kaoru there?”

“He and Kyoya are still at the lab. Honey, Mori and I are at the hotel. We’re all doing well though.” 

“Oh. Any news yet?” Haruhi asked, and Tamaki could hear the hesitation in her voice.

“No details, but Kyoya texted me saying that things were going well. He’ll explain more when they get here I guess.”

Haruhi nodded and then there was a knock at the door.

Tamaki stood and walked to the door, mumbling, ‘speak of the devil,’ to Haruhi. He fumbled with the door knob and let Kyoya and Kaoru in, the latter of which looked exhausted. Tamaki watched Kaoru walk over and sit on one of the beds while Kyoya walked into the kitchen. 

“Hey- is that Kaoru?” Haruhi asked and Tamaki nodded, setting the phone horizontally on a dresser opposite the beds so Haruhi could see everyone once he walked back a few paces, making sure to turn the volume on his phone all the way so everyone could hear her.

“Hey, how is everyone?” She asked, and Tamaki could hear the hesitation in her voice again. Honey announced that he was doing great and Mori smiled and hummed, but Kaoru said nothing, just going back to fiddling with his hands. Tamaki noticed that Kaoru’s eyes were tinted red and his cheeks looked warm, but decided not to mention it.

Kyoya walked back into the room, holding a sheet of paper with numbers scrawled on it and English words penned in next to them. 

“We should probably order dinner,” He said. “It’s getting late. I heard the scientists talking about a burger place a few blocks down called the Royal Dinner. They’re menu is online- everyone decide what they want and then we’ll place an order and run to get it. Alright?”

Tamaki nodded his head, watching as Mori and Honey did the same but Kaoru remained unresponsive. He frowned, but stayed silent. Kyoya pulled out his phone and handed it to Honey, the menu already pulled up. 

“So, how is America?” He heard Haruhi asking. “Everything you dreamed?”

Kaoru couldn’t motivate himself to answer, just pulled out his phone a scrolled the menu, picking out the first thing that didn’t make his stomach flip inside him. He was nauseous, his head was still spinning, eyes still stinging from tears and voice still stuck in his throat. 

He didn’t say a word till Kyoya asked him what he wanted and he answered in as few words as he possibly could. At some point Haruhi hung up, he didn’t know when, and his friends disappeared out the door, promising him they’d be back soon.

As soon as they were gone he curled in on himself, moving to the small cramped hotel bathroom and wedging himself into one of the corners and letting his shoulders fall, his hair drifting in front of his eyes. He brought his phone in front of his eyes and scrolled through his photos and videos, so many of them shared with Hikaru. There were no individual photos of him, none of him alone because he was not meant to be alone. He let himself cry, because he promised himself it was okay to do so. 

/////

Tamaki, Honey and Mori all sat at a table in silence while Kyoya placed their orders, waiting patiently till he came back to the table. Tamaki could sense he had something he needed to tell them, or else he wouldn’t have dragged them all to the diner with him. Honey was saying something to Mori quietly while he kicked his feet and played with the salt shaker on the table.

“I’m worried. I don’t think we should’ve left Kaoru alone at the hotel. What if someone hurts him? Or he hurts himself?”

“He’ll be fine.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

They both stopped talking as Kyoya made his way back to the table, adjusting his wallet and stuffing back into his pocket. He pulled out one of the chairs and sat down, crossing his legs and folding his hands into each other on the table. For a moment, he didn’t say a word, his face contemplative- almost sad, though Kyoya was an expert at concealing emotions. Then, he reached up and pulled off his glasses, setting them gently on the table with a soft click.

“They’ve identified the cause of death,” Kyoya said, rubbing his index fingers into the sides of the bridge of his noses. “He got compartment syndrome and slipped into shock. We didn’t get their fast enough to save him. Hell, I don’t think we ever could’ve.” His voice grumbled towards the end.

After a moment of hesitation, Tamaki decided to go with his gut instinct and ask, “Why didn’t you just tell us at the hotel? Why’d you bring us all the way out here to tell us that?” 

Kyoya picked his glasses back up and pushed them back up the bridge of his nose, frowning somewhat. “Kaoru isn’t taking this all well. Not like I expected him to but… We just need to be careful. We need to acknowledge that he’s struggling, but he doesn’t want to be pitied. He’s going to go to a few therapy sessions with one of the FBI’s psychologists. He suggested that we all go see him at some point, just so he can get a better understanding of our relationships with Kaoru and help him help as soon as possible.”

“Of course we’ll go,” Tamaki said, with Honey exclaiming ‘Yeah!’ and Mori humming in agreement.

“Good, because I wasn’t giving you a choice. We’ll go tomorrow. They told me that we are allowed to be inside the Jeffersonian so long as we do not interrupt their work. I plan on staying around there all day, just to keep track of details, and Kaoru may have to. They’re gathering a lineup so that he can identify the Gravedigger. The psychologist- his name is Lance Sweets, just so you know, wants us by in the morning as early as possible.”

“And till then?” Mori asked softly.

_ “Order for Kyoya Ootori?”   _

“We go home and take care of our friend, of course.”

With that, Kyoya stood from the table, grabbed the food, and lead them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. This chapter took a really long time to write (I think this chapter is the longest chapter so far!) but all of this information is super important and I needed to get it right. I really appreciate you guys and your patients with me. I'll try to update faster in the future. 
> 
> Comments are really, really appreciated, as well as kudos! Oh- and happy holidays, from me to all of you!


	10. Vampires in Blue Dresses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't give it away, cause I need you the most when I'm half of what I was when I was in your room.  
> Don't pick up the phone, don't answer the door cause those villains want your blood, and they are going to get it."  
> Vampires in Blue Dresses- Margot and the Nuclear So & So's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on, dialogue that is italised is being said in English, as opposed to unitalised dialogue being in Japanese!
> 
> A warning for this chapter, as it does include discussions of suicidal thoughts and descriptions of panic attacks.

[Vampires in Blue Dresses](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAPwXJ8NJIE)

 

The next day the hosts began their day with breakfast served in the hotel lobby, which Kaoru opted out off, saying that he wasn’t hungry. Mori then said he wasn’t either and Honey said he’d bring him back a cup of coffee.  
  
Tamaki was actively trying to ignore the sense of worry he got from Mori and Honey, both of whom seemed concerned that Kaoru would hurt himself. The worst part about it to Tamaki was that he couldn’t even say they were wrong. He was just as worried they were about Kaoru, if not more so. At dinner the night before he’d hardly eaten half his burger and just picked at fries, pushing them around the plate more than anything else. Still, Tamaki tried to push it into the back of his mind. Kaoru was going to be seeing a therapist who would be able to help him. Tamaki just prayed that Kaoru would accept the help.  
  
There was an overwhelming sense of powerlessness that he got from the whole situation, and he utterly despised it. The twins had always been wild cards to some extent, but Haruhi’s presence had calmed them, and he had adjusted to that. Now, he didn’t know what to do because he had never seen Kaoru in a state like this before. His body was a corpse- a soulless vessel, and Tamaki was desperately keeping it on life support as though breathing air meant anything without a brain to appreciate it. But they persisted.  
  
The lab was just as shiny and pristine as Kyoya had described it- the environment just as overwhelming to Tamaki’s curious senses. He wanted to run- to interview every scientist in the whole damn building, pick apart the equipment to see how it worked. But he had a job to do. He was here to support his friend, not to appreciate the American culture. He knew deep down he could probably make time for both, but he wouldn’t. Not this time.  
  
The psychologist, Lance Sweets, rushed up to meet Tamaki and the other hosts as soon as they entered the lab's doors. His face was young and boyish, and something in Tamaki’s heart sang as he was reminded of the first time he met Honey. Potential hid behind youth. Still, the man looked like a high school student- nowhere near qualified to work in a lab such as this one. Tamaki considered that till he remembered Kyoya was certainly younger and had the smarts to take over the world if he really wanted to.  
  
Kaoru was dismissed from the group, grabbed up by one of the agents who wanted to ask him follow up questions about the kidnapping, and Tamaki watched sadly as Kaoru allowed himself to be dragged away. He tore his eyes away when he realized Sweets was addressing him again, practically begging for his attention.  
  
_“Tamaki? That’s his name, right?”_  
  
Tamaki knew the second part wasn’t meant for him, but he still laughed at it softly.  
_  
_ _“Sorry, I’m paying attention now.”_  
  
_“Thank you. Now, If you’ll all just following me up to my office,”_ Sweets said, smiling. _“I’ve got some questions to ask you all. It’s always easier to work with a patient if you know how other people perceive them. People tend to leave out important information when they talk to us shrinks, even though we’re only here to help. It’s a defense mechanism, but it doesn’t help get anyone anywhere..”_  
  
At some point, Tamaki stopped listening as he was led up a set of stairs to the second level of the building. The center of the room was open to see the bottom floor, railing barring the walkway to prevent a fall. There was a sunroof overhead, crafted of clear glass that let in bright, real, sunlight. There were doors wrapping around the walls and a small lobby type space with a sofa and a coffee table. Sweets led them passed the lobby and towards one of the doors, which he pulled open and gestured them in, shutting the door behind himself.  
  
A large sofa was pressed against one of the walls, heavily cushioned chairs sitting by each side, resting at slight angles. A desk sat opposite the sofa, carved of dark wood and decorated with pictures and a laptop. A bookshelf sat slightly behind it, brightly colored spines popping against the shelves' deep earth colors. Sweets took his seat at his desk and told the boys to sit. Tamaki walked to the chair furthest the door and closest to the window, taking in the long, green yard he could see peeking out from behind the blue curtains. Mori and Honey took the couch, Honey folding his legs up under him while Mori sat silent, and Kyoya took the chair that was left casually.  
  
Sweets started to pull out some papers, arranging them on his desk in silence, then pulling out a pencil and a yellow notepad.  
  
_“So, you all run a host club, you said? Do you think you could explain everyone’s role in that?”_  
  
Kyoya sat up, closing his eyes. _“The host club was started two years ago, including us all as members. This year we had a new addition- a girl named Haruhi. She presents herself as a man at school... She was unable to come with us to America, even though she wanted to. I handle the finances, Tamaki comes up with the themes. The main purpose is to practice being a gentleman and practice courting women. Each of us as a draw.”_  
  
_“A draw?”_  
  
_“Yes. Something that we use to lure in the girls. Tamaki is a princely type, Mori is stoic, Honey is childish… you get the picture. The twins draws were their mischievousness and their brotherly love.”_  
  
_“Brotherly love..?”_  
  
_“Yes. They made a taboo relationship-”_  
  
_“Incestuous?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Call it what you will. Of course, it was an act and neither ever really saw each other that way. Hikaru was attracted to Haruhi, actually.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“And how did Kaoru feel about that?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“He thought it’d be good for Hikaru, I think. You’d have to ask him. He never talked much about it._ ”  
  
Sweets nodded and wrote something down on his notepad. Then, he looked to Tamaki- who had bristled visibly at the mention of Hikaru and Haruhi.  
  
_“What about that statement upset you?”_  
  
Tamaki slumped a little and falsely relaxed, _“Nothing.”_ _  
_  
Kyoya rolled his eyes. _“Tamaki here has a crush on Haruhi, no matter how much he pretends not to. The twins would pester her to bother him- not like she really minded much.”_ _  
_  
_“And, Haruhi, why couldn’t she be here?”_ Sweet spoke as he took notes.  
  
_“She’s a commoner. She isn’t rich- she goes to our school on a scholarship and couldn’t afford to miss the school. She’s been calling us as often as she can, though.”_  
  
_“How did you all end up in the host club?”_  
  
_“It was Tamaki’s idea. Most of us joined last year. Honey joined for the sweets and, really, wherever Honey goes Mori follows. I joined because I needed to be Tamaki’s friend for my father’s business. Of course, the relationship has moved past that since. The twins joined after losing a game- the ‘Which one is Hikaru game.’”_  
  
_“And what’s that game?”_  
  
_“The point is to be able to tell them apart. People have a history of confusing the two, for obvious reason. They say, essentially, that if you would take either of them, you don’t truly want either of them. They used to trick girls that courted them doing the same thing,”_ Tamaki explained, having had the most experience playing the game.  
  
“Were you ever able to tell them apart?”  
  
“Haruhi was the only one able to do it consistently,” Kyoya admitted. “I was close, and Tamaki was too. We were getting better at it as time was going on. Of course... we know now.”  
  
Sweets nodded.

 

_“They used to trick girls, you said?”_

  
_“Yes,”_ Tamaki said, grimacing. _“It was_ **_cruel_** _. Girls would leave them love notes and they would trick them- confuse them about which one of them was which and ask if she’d take either of them. The girl would say yes, of course, and they would berate her for it. They broke many a heart that way.”_ _  
_  
_“And how did Haruhi join your club? Did they trick her?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“No- not into joining the club, at least. She broke a very expensive vase and was indebted to us,”_ Kyoya explained. _“Instead of asking her to pay it, we had her join the host club to run our errands. That quickly fell through and we became friends with her. Her debt isn’t really important anymore.”_ _  
_  
_“You said that the twins picked on Haruhi to bother Tamaki. Could you elaborate?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“They just do things to bother him. They’d just tease her, call her their toy. Kaoru would fake attraction to her and Hikaru would express his real attraction. She never minded, and if she did, she put them in their place.”_  
  
Sweet hummed.  
  
_“So, what can you tell me about Kaoru outside of his relationship with Hikaru?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“To be honest with you,”_ Kyoya spoke, _“not much. The two were inseparable. Hikaru was the more dominant one, but only slightly so. Kaoru has always been a little quieter, more reserved and wise.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Wise?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“He was aware that he and Hikaru were codependent, and was making an effort to change that, to some extent. Which is… probably for the best.”_ _  
_  
_“What do you mean, ‘for the best?’”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“I mean that, had he not, I don’t know that he’d have survived the matter. If Hikaru were the one that survived I…. can’t say I’d expect him to.”_ _  
_  
The room became quiet then, all the hosts visibly uncomfortable with Kyoya’s words, enough to where Sweets knew they had all considered the same thing.  
  
_“I see,”_ Sweet mumbled, making a note. _“I think that’s all I need to know. Thank you, guys.”_ _  
_  
Kyoya nodded, but the others did not. They all stood silently and made their way towards the doors without so much as a goodbye or you’re welcome.  
  
///  
  
Kaoru, after being asked a good handful of questions by some scientist- he hadn’t cared to memorize their names- had taken to sitting in a chair near the exit of Sweets’ office. When his friends opened the door, he felt the heavy air around them hit him like a wall. He half wondered what they had discussed in there- knowing that it was something about him. He couldn’t motivate himself to care enough to ask.  
  
Tamaki walked over, smiling falsely.  
  
“Hey, Kaoru,” he spoke, a quiet tenseness in his voice not worth addressing. “How are you?”  
  
Kaoru shrugged at that. “I’m okay,” he mumbled.  
  
He saw Tamaki’s smile fade a noticeable amount. He didn’t address it.  
  
“Well, I think I’m gonna head back to the hotel, maybe go into town and take in some American culture since I can’t help here much.” Something was off about his voice as he explained. Kaoru knew that Tamaki had always been interested in visiting America, but the situation wasn’t right for it. They were supposed to come for fun, not for an investigation into the death of one of their own.  
  
“We’re gonna go with him,” Honey said for both himself and Mori. “We’ll see if we can find you some sweets or something, okay?”  
  
Kaoru nodded, but more for them than himself. He noticed that the response made tenseness fade from Tamaki and Honey’s shoulders. Mori had little reaction- but his brows moved slightly.  
  
“I’ll stay here, of course,” Kyoya said calmly. “Right here if you need anything.”  
  
Kaoru was mid-nod when Sweets stepped out of his office, a smile on his boyish face.  
  
_“Kaoru?”_ He called.  
  
Kaoru stood and walked into the office.  
  
///  
  
_“Your friends are concerned for you, you know?”_ Sweets said as he pulled the door shut and made way to his desk. _“I am, too. What you went through, are going through... It’s a big deal. It’s life-changing.”_ _  
_  
Kaoru had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. He knew it was life-changing. It was life ending, was what it was.  
  
_“That hardest part of losing someone is letting yourself feel good again,”_ Sweets said as he pulled back the chair at his desk and lowered himself into it. _“Let me ask you something, Kaoru?”_ _  
_  
He looked up and Kaoru stared back at him, a visual sign that he was listening.  
  
_“You feel guilty for being alive, don’t you?”_  
  
Kaoru felt his lips move, forming around a word he wanted to say, that he knew was the truth, but he couldn’t tell it. Yes. But Sweets knew- from that one visual he knew.  
  
_“I want you to understand that it’s okay to feel that way. You shouldn’t feel bad for surviving- but you shouldn’t feel bad for feeling bad either.”_ _  
_  
_“I…. I am not sure I understand.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“You and your brother were very close if even half of the others said is true. You miss him. This is your first time being separated, right?”_  
  
Kaoru nodded.  
  
_“You two were... Co-dependent. You relied on each other to survive. You considered yourselves as an extension of each other, right?”_  
  
_“I… a little bit.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“A little bit?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“We… we knew we were separate people. We knew that. Just… other people didn’t. So, sometimes we… forgot to be different people.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Forgot?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Even if we were different people, people didn’t notice that.”_ _  
_  
Sweets seemed to stop, then. He paused, and Kaoru could hear the gears turning in his head.  
  
_“Did you want people to see you as different people?”_  
  
Kaoru hesitated. Giving voice to the thought made it real, even if he had thought it over a thousand times.  
  
_“I didn’t want it. But… they needed to,”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Why did they need to see it?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Because it would make it easier when Hikaru and I were different people. It… would make them respect us both as our own. Make us harder to confuse. At some point, it’d start to bother Hikaru to be mistaken for me. It always kind of did.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“What do you mean?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“He... I didn’t make it up- the game… He was the one who didn’t want us to be friends with people who couldn’t tell us apart. It never mattered as much to me,”_ Kaoru shrugged his shoulders. _“I never needed more than him. He did not… want to need more than me, but he did.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“What do you mean, needed more than you?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Hikaru couldn’t interact with other people because he couldn’t understand them, and, because they thought he was me, they couldn’t understand him. I was… I was fine not being understood. But my brother.., he is-- was-- he was not. He needed to be known, understood. He was… I don’t know.. I can’t explain it.”_ _  
_  
_“I think I understand. Hikaru was lonely?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Kinda. He didn’t think he was, but he was.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“I see,”_ Sweets jotted down a small note, then looked back up. _“And are you lonely?”_  
  
_“I…”_ Kaoru hesitated for a moment, considering his life now. He had friends, but it wasn’t the same. He had needed his brother, and nothing else. But now he didn’t have that. _“Yeah.. yeah, I think so.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“You think so?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“I… I don’t know. I have people- I have my friends. But... I don't know. I haven’t felt much of anything since… Hikaru died.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“You feel empty?”_ _  
_  
_“Yeah,”_ Kaoru nodded as he spoke. _“My brother was half of me. I.. I knew he’d leave at some point, but we were adjusting to being different slowly. He was giving back the parts of me he took and I was giving back what I took of him. But.. whatever of me was him died when he died, and he took the stuff I still had in him with him. I.. I wasn’t prepared to be alone- to have the extension of myself taken. I.. I wasn’t ready yet. I thought I was. I knew something was going to happen-I could feel the spell breaking. The magic of Tamaki’s perfect little world fading. But I… I had no clue that this was what would happen. I wasn’t ready for this.”_ _  
_  
Kaoru didn’t know when he started crying. All he knew was that a few hot tears had run down his cheeks and left an itching sensation in their wake. Sweets had stood from his desk and walked over, knelt down with one knee on the ground and a hand on Kaoru’s leg. The touch was comforting- Kaoru hadn’t realized he’d missed being touched. Hikaru and he were always close physically- arms draped over each other in day and legs entangled in sleep. People had avoided touching him since Hikaru died. He looked down at the hand on his knee and then to Sweets’ face.  
  
Sweets’ eyes were so young, and Kaoru always forgot that. He was used to the eyes staring at him- at least recently- being tired and aged beyond their years, even his own. That young look in Sweets’ eyes was refreshing, he realized.  
  
_“You don’t have to have been ready. There is no way you could’ve predicted this,”_ Sweets consoled him. “ _You don’t have to be happy, you just have to live. That’s all I’m asking.”_ _  
_  
Kaoru huffed out a laugh at that. You just have to live.  
  
_“Why should I?”_ He mumbled. _“I- I didn’t want him to leave- even though was preparing for it- I didn’t want him to. How am I supposed to..”_ Kaoru trailed off, losing his voice as Sweet caught his eye.  
  
_“If you were dead, would you want your brother to kill himself?”_  
  
_“W-what the hell kinda question is that?”_ Kaoru sputtered, squinting through his tear-filled eyes.  
  
_“I’m serious. Would you?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“No.. of course not.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“And would Hikaru want you to kill yourself?”_ _  
_ _  
_ **_“No,”_ ** Kaoru answered, his voice more confident than it had been in some time.  
  
_“So live for that,”_ Sweets smiled. _“If not for yourself, if not for your friends, your brother. WHat he would want. Can you do that?”_  
  
Kaoru stopped and considered this for a moment, then nodded softly. He brushed away tears with his sleeves.  
  
_“I.. I can… try.”_  
  
_“That’s enough,”_ Sweets assured him. _“That’s enough.”_  
  
///  
  
Kyoya noticed immediately that Karou was in a better place when he left Sweets' office. Not necessarily a good place, but a better place nonetheless, despite his red eyes and fading tear tracks.  
  
Once he spotted Kaoru leaving Sweet’s office he rushed back up the stairs. Kaoru greeted him quietly, then started back down with him. Sweets waved as they turned and headed back down.  
  
“How was it?”  
  
“It was okay, I guess,” Kaoru shrugged. “He was nice. I.. I miss Hikaru.”  
  
Kyoya was thrown, if only for a moment.  
  
“That’s understandable. I miss him too.”  
  
Kaoru nodded. They didn’t speak much after that, but they walked side-by-side in a comfortable silence.  
  
///  
  
Caroline showed up later that day. She was short and heavy and sassy, with short curly red hair and interesting outfit choice. She came with paperwork- lots of paperwork- and handed it all to Booth.  
  
Kyoya watched the interaction carefully, listened as she told Booth that the judge had granted only a lineup and no more investigation till an identity was confirmed, much less an investigation into Heather Taffet. He noted the way they all spat her name as though it had a foul taste. He watched Booth’s fists curl.  
  
Ultimately, he decided he did not have enough information yet to decide if their fury was justified. Regardless, Caroline told them that the lineup would be later that day at five pm, and told them the location. Kaoru was not supposed to see any of the suspects beforehand. Kyoya nodded and so did Kaoru, but Kyoya could see the hesitation in his eyes. Whether he was more scared to see his captor or to not see her, Kyoya did not know and did not dare ask.  
  
The day crept on, Kyoya and Kaoru loitering around the lab aimlessly, trying to stay out of everyone’s way. Kyoya was tempted to stick around the scientists and learn as much as he could about the case and the circumstances of Hikaru’s death, but he decided to stick by Kaoru regardless of the fact they were not speaking to each other. The silence was comfortable, mostly. Kaoru seemed lost in thought but he wasn’t frowning, his face was resting in a neutral expression that Kyoya found himself taking a strange amount of comfort in. They ate lunch around noon, and then returned to the lab and sat in relative silence.  
  
Almost as soon as they returned to the lab, Kyoya felt his phone buzz. He glanced down and saw that Haruhi had texted him- an occurrence that could be called rare. He slid his phone open and looked it over.  
  
**“I can trust you’ll be honest with me if I ask a question, right?”** **  
** **  
** **“Sure. What’s the matter?”** He responded.  
  
He watched the little dots flow in the text bubble as Haruhi typed. They disappeared for a moment, then reappeared.  
  
**“Is Kaoru okay? Like, seriously okay? And what’s the news about Hikaru? I feel out of the loop with you all being so far away. The girls keep asking me questions. It’s killing me to not be able to tell them anything. Not like I know the answers, anyway.”**  
  
Kyoya read over the message a few times, feeling somewhat guilty that Haruhi had not been able to join them. He thought for only a moment that, had Hikaru lived and Kaoru died, Hikaru would’ve needed Haruhi to come with them. Kaoru hadn’t, but Hikaru would have. And then his mind got stuck on how Kaoru didn’t seem to need any of them- he hadn’t opened up, had barely talked a word to them. There had been that moment on the plane when Kaoru opened up to Tamaki- a _private_ moment that Kyoya was not supposed to have seen but had seen- and that was the extent of it. And what a crushing scene it had been- Kaoru admitting that he and Hikaru had been happy with a tragic knowledge that the keyword was _had_. Kyoya knew he wasn’t the best with feelings, he had been raised cold and that was simply that, but he wished he were better- wished he were a shoulder to cry on because God only knew how much Kaoru needed to confide in someone-  
  
**“Kyoya?”**  
  
The buzzing of his phone ripped him from his train of thought.  
  
**“Hikaru died of shock, induced by compartment syndrome in his leg. Internal bleeding caused pressure to build up inside of him and that sent him into shock. There was nothing that could’ve been done, as we could not have found him any faster than we did.”** **  
**  
He pressed send, then stopped for a moment.  
  
**“As for Kaoru, I don’t know.”** **  
**  
He stared down at the message, then deleted it.  
  
**“As for Kaoru, only time will tell.”**  
  
That wasn’t right either. He deleted it again.  
  
**“As for Kaoru…”**  
  
He hesitated.  
  
**“All we can do is support Kaoru. He is not okay, but he is alive and he is trying.”**  
  
He pressed send.  
  
///  
  
Time seemed to simultaneously speed by and drag on for Kaoru. He had headphones plugged in and music playing softly, trying to focus on the lyrics and ignore his own thoughts, his fingers digging into the soft material of the sofa beneath him.  
  
Suddenly, Sweets seemed to materialize before him.  
  
_“Kaoru,”_ he said softly, crouching down to put a hand on Kaoru’s knee and make level eye contact. _“Hey buddy, it’s almost five. We need to go to the lineup.”_  
  
Kaoru nodded, trying to decide his feeling about Sweets calling him buddy while he stood.  
  
Kyoya stood at his side. Kaoru noticed he was tenser than he had been earlier, but did not mention it- did not have the energy to mention it or to care, really.  
  
Sweets led them out of the lab and into the parking garage. Kaoru felt his pulse speed up just a touch at the location. He felt vulnerable. He kept his eyes on Sweets and the other agent with them- an agent with a _gun_ , he noticed. He wasn’t sure whether or not he found that comforting.  
  
They got into a car and drove in silence, the agent in the passenger seat and an armed driver in the front. Sweets, Kyoya and Kaoru were all in the back. Kyoya texted Tamaki to tell them they were heading to the lineup and told them they would be back at the hotel soon. They would get something to eat after that. Tamaki seemed to want to find authentic American pizza.  
  
The building they entered was small and gray. Kyoya was instructed to the stay in the lobby with the agent and the driver. Only Sweets and Kaoru were allowed in the lineup room, and an agent was already back there to take down Kaoru’s words. Kyoya saw the hesitation in Kaoru’s eyes- saw the fear residing in him. He didn’t know how to help.  
  
“ _Kaoru, are you ready?”_  
  
Sweets watched as Kaoru swallowed thickly.  
  
_“Yes.”_  
  
The two took off down the hall. A door was opened and they entered into a minuscule room with dim lighting. The room was divided into two parts, separated by a wall with a large window. Lights were off on the other side of the room, Kaoru could only see a white wall with stark black horizontal lines running across it, mostly hidden by shadow. On his side of the room were Sweets, the officer dressed up in a blue uniform and a man in a pressed gray suit, accented by a bright red tie.  
_  
_ _“Who is that?”_ Kaoru asked.  
  
Sweets looked to the officer for a moment and then the officer nodded. “ _The lawyer of one of the suspects. Can I say which?”_ _  
_  
_“No,”_ the lawyer replied calmly, his face turned to the glass.  
  
_“This is a simultaneous lineup. The suspects will all come in, stand, and you will tell me which you recognize.”_  
  
The lawyer cleared his throat, prompting the officer to say, _“‘If any.”_  
  
After a moment, the officer added, _“Do you understand?”_  
  
Kaoru nodded.  
  
_“Okay.”_ The officer grabbed his radio and brought it up to his mouth. _“Send them in.”_  
  
Kaoru watched noiselessly as six silhouettes entered the room behind the glass, the lights still dimmed so he could not see them. He could feel himself becoming more and more nervous. His brother’s _murderer_ , his own _kidnapper_ , could be behind that glass. The woman who ruined his life. He ground his teeth together, fidgeted with his hands. Sweets must have noticed his nervousness because he placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently.  
  
“Hey, hey, it’s okay.”  
  
Kaoru nodded, but he wasn’t sure if he believed it. The officer flicked the lights on in the other room, and Kaoru felt his heart stop.  
  
There were six people, all holding numbers and looking straight forward. They were all similar heights with red hair and stiff lips. But one of them stuck out.  
  
Her name came to the forefront of Kaoru’s mind. _Heather Taffet._ A woman with sharp eyebrows and piercing blue eyes. Thin, colorless lips were pulled taught across her face and her jowls seemed to weigh heavily. She was wearing small diamond earrings and a pantsuit as if just pulled away from important work.  
  
Kaoru realized, suddenly, that he wasn’t breathing. He felt weak- he felt Sweets hands catch him as he started to the fall to the ground. _He felt the taser run volts of electricity through his body- felt his knees hit the concrete. He heard his brother screaming after him- heard the squeal of tires. He smelt the stagnant air of the air- tasting like iron from his brother's blood. He felt his body stiffen- saw the sheen of sweat on his brothers’ body as it started to lose warmth. He was crying, he realized. Hikaru was dead and he was crying as if that’d fix anything- was clawing at his arms desperately and screaming- screaming_ **_Hikaru. Hikaru. Hikaru._ ** _  
_  
But he felt the word in his mouth change shape, morphing from _Hikaru_ to _Heather_ to _Heather Taffet_ \- going from desperate to angry. He was gagging- _he was choking on the stale air of the car-_ screaming the number she was holding and begging for someone to kill him, to put him out of his misery. The bastard that kidnapped him and his brother- that caused _his_ death- caused _their_ deaths- was standing a sheet of glass anyway from him and he wanted to destroy her- **_wanted to watch the world burn._ ** **_  
_ **  
_“Kaoru- Kaoru stop,”_ he heard someone begging him, grabbing at his hands as he used them to tear against the sleeves of his hoodie- his nails that he had been biting and neglecting to trim catching and pulling at the fabric. He was hiccuping- heavy thick sobs and something in him cried for him to stop- something in him knew he was running out of air and that he’d suffocate if he kept on like this. The world was going black as he ran out of oxygen- as he died like he should have back in that car six feet underground. That-- **this** car was to be his grave. _His **and** ****his brothers. He gripped onto Hikaru’s hand and let himself slip away._ _  
_  
///  
  
He woke up somewhere else. He woke up in the hotel, he realized, blinking his eyes open. His friends were there, talking quietly in English. Sweets was there, too, he noticed. He was sitting on a couch, slouched over uncomfortably. He glanced around, his eyes aching in rhythm with his slowed heartbeat. He started slowly to push himself to a more comfortable position. Someone must have noticed his movement and said something because suddenly all eyes were on him. He shifted, somewhat uncomfortable under their gaze.  
  
Honey rushed over to him and threw his arms around Kaoru’s torso, climbing onto the couch to do so.  
  
_“Kao-chan,”_ Honey mumbled into Kaoru’s chest. Instinctively, Kaoru rubbed circles into Honey’s back.  
  
_“Wh-what happened? The last thing I re-remember is being at the lineup.”_ Kaoru discovered suddenly that his throat was sore and his voice was rough, as though he had worn it out screaming.  
  
_“You had a flashback,”_ Sweets said, walking over and sitting on a chair near Kaoru. _“I believe seeing Taffet triggered it. I think you may have PTSD.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“What..?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“PTSD. It stands for post-traumatic stress disorder. It’s a mental illness spurring from a traumatic event, in your case, your kidnapping and your brother’s death. You had a flashback- similar to a panic attack. You identified a suspect but seeing her caused you to have a panic attack. We brought you here and you fell asleep in the car on the way once you calmed down. We carried you in and allowed you to sleep. I was giving your friends some advice on what to do should this happen again.”_ _  
_  
Kaoru sat silent for a moment, thinking over the information, then nodded.  
  
_“Okay..”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“It’s a completely understandable reaction to what you’ve gone through,”_ Sweets added as an afterthought. _“You don’t need to feel ashamed.”_  
  
Kaoru nodded again, though he wasn’t sure if he had been ashamed beforehand. Mostly he felt… exhausted.  
  
_“Panic attacks can be tiring, feel free to get some more rest. If you want to talk about anything I’m here,”_ Sweets checked his watch. _“I’ll need to get back to the lab soon to discuss things with Brennan and Booth. They’re hoping to get the case to court as soon as possible now that you’ve identified Taffet.”_  
  
Again, Kaoru nodded simply.  
  
_“Okay… Uh- thank you, Sweets.”_  
  
Sweets smiled, and then Kaoru seemed to drift off again.  
  
///  
  
Almost as soon as Sweets had left, there was a knock at their hotel room door. Kyoya assumed it was the pizza delivery man and Tamaki stood quickly and rushed over excitedly to open the door.  
  
What he was greeted with was a strange sight.  
  
The delivery man, identifiable by his bright red shirt and hat with his company's logo on it, was sweating tremendously. His hands were quivering- the pizza box shaky in his grip. Tamaki looked him over, trying to find the source of his distress. The man’s eyes were wide and glassy. Tamaki noticed red marks on the stranger's neck.  
  
_“The pizza is $12.53,”_ he said, ignoring Tamaki’s curious, if fearful, looks.  
  
Tamaki pulled out a twenty and handed it over, taking the pizza.  
  
_“Keep the change,”_ he instructed. The delivery man nodded, and quickly turned and left.  
  
“The was… odd.” Kyoya noted as Tamaki shut the door.  
  
“Very much so. Should we wake him up?” Tamaki gestured vaguely in Kaoru’s direction.  
  
“No, let’s let him sleep. He looks peaceful.” Honey seemed to smile at his own sentiment.  
  
Tamaki set the box on the table and opened it up. Suddenly, he understood what had to delivery man so unnerved. Taped to the inside of the box was a bloodied picture of the twins- one Tamaki recognized from Hikaru’s wallet. He noticed that the twins eyes had been scratched out- both of them. Suddenly, the meal no longer seemed appetizing. Taffet must’ve jumped the delivery man- must’ve planted this to threaten them into submission.  
  
“Kyoya, come here,” Tamaki mumbled, his mouth suddenly dry. He stared down at the picture in horrified silence.  
  
Kyoya walked over, saw the picture, and shut the box. His phone materialized in his hand, and Tamaki heard more than saw him call Booth’s phone number.  
  
“What’s going on?” Mori asked.  
  
Kyoya ignored him, focused on the ringing of his cell phone. He made eye contact with Tamaki.  
  
“Do not tell Kaoru,” Kyoya instructed. “Not till we are safe.”  
  
Tamaki nodded and tried to swallow down the sudden, sharp feeling of fear that stabbed through his stomach. He turned to look at Kaoru, at his calmly sleeping face. He wished desperately that this could all be over, that they could just go home, that things could return to normal. He shut his eyes for a moment.  
  
The ghost of the photo made itself known behind his eyelids- the image of Kaoru and Hikaru smiling brightly haunted with dried blood, colored a deep red reaching towards them, their eyes ripped over and punched through.  
  
Tamaki wondered if the world would ever feel safe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boy howdy was that a long chapter!! thank you all for reading adfklsdkjfal;kf this was so self-indulgent i love you all for putting up with me
> 
> ill try not to take so long with the next update! comments are greatly appreciated i love you guys and your feedback


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